So am I correct in saying under your framework monogamy can never be chosen freely? Or would it be at more accurate to say that if it was chosen it’ll be chosen via action and not agreement?
Humans can’t control what they feel, you cannot agree to not develop feelings or interests on other people, doing so is inherently dishonest, not to your partner but to yourself. and expecting it from your partner is equally unfair.
yes, two people can agree that they expect all their romantic and sexual needs to come from within the couple and promise not to engage romantically or sexually with other people. But if it wasn’t because it is the social norm, that would seem a strange and ridiculous expectation.
I myself am poly but I’ve been in a relationships where the other person wasn’t comfortable with it and agreed to monogamy and have been on the giving and receiving end of infidelity. As I’ve gotten older I’ve understood the damage I’ve done and how to properly engage with those feelings and have an open and honest discussion.
I think we actually agree more than it seemed. Feelings aren’t choices. Actions are. And the social punishment for failing at monogamy is often brutal and unfair. I just think two people can still freely say 'don’t act on it and if they both mean it, breaking that hurts. That’s all.
my main take (right now, it likely changed though the many conversations and branches this thread has) is that monogamy is the normarive standard pushed by religion and states. and everyone should at least question it. regardless if they end up agreeing on it or not.
I think one critique I would add is that your previous statement of it being a social normative is likely a lot more accurate than blaming the state or religion. There are a ton of different states and religions where monogamy is the social norm, and we can even see it reflected in nature as well.
Different relationship types are just better suited for certain animals in certain situations. Whether monogamy is still the most successful relationship type for modern humans is likely subjective.
So am I correct in saying under your framework monogamy can never be chosen freely? Or would it be at more accurate to say that if it was chosen it’ll be chosen via action and not agreement?
Humans can’t control what they feel, you cannot agree to not develop feelings or interests on other people, doing so is inherently dishonest, not to your partner but to yourself. and expecting it from your partner is equally unfair.
yes, two people can agree that they expect all their romantic and sexual needs to come from within the couple and promise not to engage romantically or sexually with other people. But if it wasn’t because it is the social norm, that would seem a strange and ridiculous expectation.
I myself am poly but I’ve been in a relationships where the other person wasn’t comfortable with it and agreed to monogamy and have been on the giving and receiving end of infidelity. As I’ve gotten older I’ve understood the damage I’ve done and how to properly engage with those feelings and have an open and honest discussion.
I think we actually agree more than it seemed. Feelings aren’t choices. Actions are. And the social punishment for failing at monogamy is often brutal and unfair. I just think two people can still freely say 'don’t act on it and if they both mean it, breaking that hurts. That’s all.
my main take (right now, it likely changed though the many conversations and branches this thread has) is that monogamy is the normarive standard pushed by religion and states. and everyone should at least question it. regardless if they end up agreeing on it or not.
I think one critique I would add is that your previous statement of it being a social normative is likely a lot more accurate than blaming the state or religion. There are a ton of different states and religions where monogamy is the social norm, and we can even see it reflected in nature as well.
Different relationship types are just better suited for certain animals in certain situations. Whether monogamy is still the most successful relationship type for modern humans is likely subjective.
That we can agree on.
🤝
Have a good day/night (time zone appropriate thing).