Talked to my therapist about this just this Friday. I have a friend, let’s call him Saul. He’s got an air about him, the way he carries himself. Good looking but not great looking, wears a certain kind of goatee that looks a little devilish. He presents as he is a gentleman, has manners, good listener, has a light touch - masculine but also effeminate in a way.
Women adore him! Like every woman I’ve ever met says she likes Saul. Not necessarily romantically, but just generally likes him and enjoys his company.
I’ve lived with this man on multiple occasions. He has caused my friends and I emotional harm. He will act overly aggressive about the smallest transgressions. I put a day bed in the common room one time, for a few weeks, and rather than approaching me about him not liking it, he demonstrated overt sex acts on it. The last time I lived with him a decade ago, he and my ex would berate me and the other roommate, in very toxic emotional ways, like in some kind of sadistic hedonist thing that they shared doing together - I think it came from them both tortured souls from their respective upbringings. Likewise, when he didn’t get his way or the rise he wanted, he would just yell or throw things. Rather than approaching in a discussion, he’d go nuclear.
But that’s not the worst part, because it wasn’t all about what happened to me. A good friend of mine and him started dating about a decade ago. Started out great, romantic, etc. but then he started doing the same things to her, so she broke it off and moved back home. The dude, on multiple occasions, drove the two hours down the road and would just stalk her. Like follow her all damn day. Would make sure she knew he was around.
We’re older now, I see him around town. We have coffee on occasion. He seems to be doing better, got an education, and has a little business that’s woman centric that seems to be doing well.
But I won’t ever forget what I know about this man. The closet is full of skeletons, and damned if this meme wasn’t on point.
Because sometimes you have a bunch of mutual friends in the group and it’s easier to maintain contact than to make a big deal of things that you don’t have empirical evidence of against someone with.
Talked to my therapist about this just this Friday. I have a friend, let’s call him Saul. He’s got an air about him, the way he carries himself. Good looking but not great looking, wears a certain kind of goatee that looks a little devilish. He presents as he is a gentleman, has manners, good listener, has a light touch - masculine but also effeminate in a way.
Women adore him! Like every woman I’ve ever met says she likes Saul. Not necessarily romantically, but just generally likes him and enjoys his company.
I’ve lived with this man on multiple occasions. He has caused my friends and I emotional harm. He will act overly aggressive about the smallest transgressions. I put a day bed in the common room one time, for a few weeks, and rather than approaching me about him not liking it, he demonstrated overt sex acts on it. The last time I lived with him a decade ago, he and my ex would berate me and the other roommate, in very toxic emotional ways, like in some kind of sadistic hedonist thing that they shared doing together - I think it came from them both tortured souls from their respective upbringings. Likewise, when he didn’t get his way or the rise he wanted, he would just yell or throw things. Rather than approaching in a discussion, he’d go nuclear.
But that’s not the worst part, because it wasn’t all about what happened to me. A good friend of mine and him started dating about a decade ago. Started out great, romantic, etc. but then he started doing the same things to her, so she broke it off and moved back home. The dude, on multiple occasions, drove the two hours down the road and would just stalk her. Like follow her all damn day. Would make sure she knew he was around.
We’re older now, I see him around town. We have coffee on occasion. He seems to be doing better, got an education, and has a little business that’s woman centric that seems to be doing well.
But I won’t ever forget what I know about this man. The closet is full of skeletons, and damned if this meme wasn’t on point.
How can you still be friends
This is beyond me
Not the OP, but I can help answer this:
Because sometimes you have a bunch of mutual friends in the group and it’s easier to maintain contact than to make a big deal of things that you don’t have empirical evidence of against someone with.