The other day a patient came up to the new nurse I’m orienting to awkwardly request “Vaseline and… idk. Something else I guess?” And she, in complete seriousness, asks if he needs toothpaste or deodorant maybe? Meanwhile me and my less new coworker are making prolonged and intense eye contact, each of us daring the other to break first. The patient eventually settles on socks (I would likely have suggested a washcloth or tissues, but I digress), which my oblivious coworker goes and grabs for him. Afterwards, due to both this and some other instances, I was just like. “Girl. Are you ace?” and she was like “omg how can you tell? …I’m missing subtext again aren’t I?” She’s not even a new nurse, she’s just new to us. It’s like she has so low of a drive personally that she can’t even register horniness as a possible motivation for other people.