I think I have internalized tismophobia though. At least whenever I hang out with other autists, I end up hating myself even more afterwards. It feels like seeing myself from the outside and triggers a lot of insecurity. Like “this is seriously who I am? These are the people I fit in with?” I know it’s wrong, but you have to understand a lot of these traits are precisely the ones I’ve been demeaned, ridiculed, criticized, and ostracized for throughout my life. It’s only natural that I would develop a complex around that.
One-on-one I do seem to get along with autistic people better. I’ve always felt compassionate towards people with severe cases, and I feel strong kinship with people with mild cases, but there’s a range in between where I just feel uncomfortable. Like someone who isn’t severe enough for me to feel sorry for, but enough for me to cringe for them. It probably wouldn’t bother me so much if I didn’t see myself in them though…
And aside from that, a lot of people with a diagnosis feel superior to those without. Like they think I’m appropriating something and encroaching on their space cause I want the attention or the pity or something. As if anyone who wasn’t on the spectrum would even want to claim that, or relate in any way to the traits and things people go through who are.
Also, there’s a lot less sympathy for guys on the spectrum. Women with mild autism are seen as quirky or endearing, and much as they seem to hate that, it’s nowhere near as bad as how guys on the spectrum are seen (cringe, spaz, and worse things that I won’t repeat).
But even women on the spectrum seem to have it out against guys on the spectrum. Like “How dare you expect sympathy? You have no idea what it’s like to be seen as a manic pixie dreamgirl by everyone you meet!” Like, chill, I’m sure that’s tough, but do you know what it’s like to be called an incel just because you’re a loser who laments his inability to make friends?
But if I say that then they’ll just call me a misogynist by some circular reasoning like “I get called an incel because I’m a loser, so I must be a misogynist because incels are misogynists, so I must be a loser because misogynists are losers.” Or maybe we should just stop stigmatizing guys who don’t get laid very often? Maybe society would have healthier views of women if we didn’t literally require men to have sex with them in order to deserve respect? Maybe, just maybe? But no, apparently just saying that makes me an incel, and therefore I must be misogynist. Apparently…
I think I have internalized tismophobia though. At least whenever I hang out with other autists, I end up hating myself even more afterwards. It feels like seeing myself from the outside and triggers a lot of insecurity. Like “this is seriously who I am? These are the people I fit in with?” I know it’s wrong, but you have to understand a lot of these traits are precisely the ones I’ve been demeaned, ridiculed, criticized, and ostracized for throughout my life. It’s only natural that I would develop a complex around that.
One-on-one I do seem to get along with autistic people better. I’ve always felt compassionate towards people with severe cases, and I feel strong kinship with people with mild cases, but there’s a range in between where I just feel uncomfortable. Like someone who isn’t severe enough for me to feel sorry for, but enough for me to cringe for them. It probably wouldn’t bother me so much if I didn’t see myself in them though…
And aside from that, a lot of people with a diagnosis feel superior to those without. Like they think I’m appropriating something and encroaching on their space cause I want the attention or the pity or something. As if anyone who wasn’t on the spectrum would even want to claim that, or relate in any way to the traits and things people go through who are.
Also, there’s a lot less sympathy for guys on the spectrum. Women with mild autism are seen as quirky or endearing, and much as they seem to hate that, it’s nowhere near as bad as how guys on the spectrum are seen (cringe, spaz, and worse things that I won’t repeat).
But even women on the spectrum seem to have it out against guys on the spectrum. Like “How dare you expect sympathy? You have no idea what it’s like to be seen as a manic pixie dreamgirl by everyone you meet!” Like, chill, I’m sure that’s tough, but do you know what it’s like to be called an incel just because you’re a loser who laments his inability to make friends?
But if I say that then they’ll just call me a misogynist by some circular reasoning like “I get called an incel because I’m a loser, so I must be a misogynist because incels are misogynists, so I must be a loser because misogynists are losers.” Or maybe we should just stop stigmatizing guys who don’t get laid very often? Maybe society would have healthier views of women if we didn’t literally require men to have sex with them in order to deserve respect? Maybe, just maybe? But no, apparently just saying that makes me an incel, and therefore I must be misogynist. Apparently…