I guess I’m an elder millennial now. Got the greying hair and all.
I had pretty good success on the dating apps without paying. Location is a big factor. But also, as the saying goes, “the bar for men is in hell”. I think just having a reasonable conversation and caring about her put me a tier above the average.
Of course, the apps are profit seeking machines that don’t especially want you to be happy. They can work, but they’re not trying to.
I’m pretty sure the apps algorithm didn’t think I’d click with my partner. It feels very much “pretty close”, like they wanted me to have a few dates and move on. But to everyone’s surprise we really got on, despite things that superficially looked incompatible.
I’m an IT guy and the algorithm is definitely pushing for profit. I know it’s all manufactured struggle. I just need to find some way to interact with strangers that’s socially acceptable. I don’t drink so… yeah I’m not going to be the sober guy at a bar picking up drink women. could you imagine the optics of that!? I can’t approach them in public at all either anymore. I used you give girls funny “business cards” that had my info on it so we could talk if that wanted to. that shit worked like magic. I would never do that now because I’d eventually become a post about being pathetic by a clout chaser. I don’t need my contact info on the internet for everyone to see.
True. Having some reasonable photos and sending a good first message helps with that. Ask your friends of your desired gender to look at your profile. (If you have no such friends, maybe work on that, too.)
Some people just write “hey” and that’s a really poor strategy. Write something that plays off their profile.
Also don’t spend too long chatting on the app. Initial exchange, like 1-3 more volleys, clear any deal breakers, ask them out. You want to get in person so all the normal human things like body language work for you, and the siren song of new matches is somewhat muted.
I guess I’m an elder millennial now. Got the greying hair and all.
I had pretty good success on the dating apps without paying. Location is a big factor. But also, as the saying goes, “the bar for men is in hell”. I think just having a reasonable conversation and caring about her put me a tier above the average.
Of course, the apps are profit seeking machines that don’t especially want you to be happy. They can work, but they’re not trying to.
I’m pretty sure the apps algorithm didn’t think I’d click with my partner. It feels very much “pretty close”, like they wanted me to have a few dates and move on. But to everyone’s surprise we really got on, despite things that superficially looked incompatible.
I’m an IT guy and the algorithm is definitely pushing for profit. I know it’s all manufactured struggle. I just need to find some way to interact with strangers that’s socially acceptable. I don’t drink so… yeah I’m not going to be the sober guy at a bar picking up drink women. could you imagine the optics of that!? I can’t approach them in public at all either anymore. I used you give girls funny “business cards” that had my info on it so we could talk if that wanted to. that shit worked like magic. I would never do that now because I’d eventually become a post about being pathetic by a clout chaser. I don’t need my contact info on the internet for everyone to see.
That’s assuming you get to the point where you are having a conversation.
True. Having some reasonable photos and sending a good first message helps with that. Ask your friends of your desired gender to look at your profile. (If you have no such friends, maybe work on that, too.)
Some people just write “hey” and that’s a really poor strategy. Write something that plays off their profile.
Also don’t spend too long chatting on the app. Initial exchange, like 1-3 more volleys, clear any deal breakers, ask them out. You want to get in person so all the normal human things like body language work for you, and the siren song of new matches is somewhat muted.