But this isn’t a joke about sex. This is a joke about romantic orientation - which usually coincides with one’s sexual orientation, sure, but they aren’t the same thing.

Saying that queerness is inherently sexual is a bigoted stance to take, and it’s a bad look if you’re defending it. And that remains true even if you have a queer partner or even if you’re queer yourself. Since you want to use having a queer partner as a defense for your logic, why don’t you ask her what she thinks of this situation? She may not agree with your take on it.