I think I have pity for him being racist and not wanting to be, but I am confused. He can’t help the thoughts that go through his head, if that’s what he means, but I don’t know if he is also acting on those thoughts. If he is, then yeah, just stop, lol.
Except it’s not so simple. Research consistently shows that even people who believe themselves not to be prejudiced act differently based on prejudice. Having a “black” name, BIPOC, a woman, disabled, or any other “minority” affects actions and attitudes subliminally.
Who do you ask a question to (the person pushing the wheelchair, or the person in the wheelchair?), sit next to on public transit (the black guy or the white woman?), friend’s teenager you ask to babysit/house-sit (the white girl or the black guy?), hire to do your gardening (the Hispanic man or the black woman?), question do you take first after your work presentation (white man or Indigenous woman?), smile at politely as you pass on the street (the unhoused?), etc.
For someone who acknowledges they are racist, these biases run deep, and I imagine it must be mentally taxing to constantly run a filter on your actions you notice, let alone all your unconscious/automatic reactions.
As someone who’s a “woke” anti-racist, I find it challenging to even notice my biases, let alone change my actions. (When’s the last time you made eye contact and smiled at an unhoused person automatically, without noticing you’re doing it? I do so, but it’s a conscious action for me, not automatic.)
I don’t disagree, but it’s like asking a woman who she would rather be alone with, an unknown man or an unknown woman. There’s also familiarity bias and having more in common. I don’t think I have to be racist or prejudice to know there will in general be less friction with a white dude vs a black dude, because that’s just most people around me. I still try and ignore that because I know it’s limiting my experiences, but there are good reasons that I wouldn’t ascribe purely to prejudice.
Also for the wheelchair example, I again think there are reasons for this. For the person in the wheelchair you often don’t know why, did they have a stroke and can’t speak? Are they ill? Or did they just hurt their leg? I’m not saying people wouldn’t be biased against the disabled even if that weren’t true, but a lot of these have legitimate reasons that aren’t just prejudice (maybe the dictionary definition but not irrational prejudice).
Who do you ask a question to (the person pushing the wheelchair, or the person in the wheelchair?),
-> depends on why they sit in a wheelchair and what I want to ask.
sit next to on public transit (the black guy or the white woman?)
-> I mostly stand but again, if I had to sit, it depends on the vibe I am getting from both, with - vibe considered equal - a tendency to sit near a guy to not make a woman feel uncomfortable.
, friend’s teenager you ask to babysit/house-sit (the white girl or the black guy?),
-> if color of skin or gender enter my considerations, I would let neither anywhere near a child, as I obviously do not know them nearly well enough.
hire to do your gardening (the Hispanic man or the black woman?)
-> I will not pay someone to do chores for me, doing everyday chores is what keeps people grounded. I don’t want to risk becoming something like a boomer.
, question do you take first after your work presentation (white man or Indigenous woman?),
-> whoever signaled a question first
smile at politely as you pass on the street (the unhoused?)
-> everyone that makes eye contact
-> holy shit you made that list of examples sound like it’s in any way difficult to know exactly how to behave.
Ok say you had to let someone watch your dog or it will starve or get very sick from overeating and all your friends/family/acquaintances are out of town, and there was a medical emergency that the ambulance is just about ready to leave, and you were wearing headphones so you didn’t notice anything was wrong until the people in the ambulance walked in through the door someone else had opened for them. You have 10 seconds before the ambulance leaves with your loved one, and have to decide from 2 onlookers. One person is white and one is black. That is the only difference you can gather as you are quickly walking by, and you don’t have time to get a good look at either of them. You can only choose one because your landlord’s policy only allows you to have 1 person who isn’t you have a key to your apartment. Which do you choose?
For you to write up such an elaborate mental gymnastic just to ask a question about skin colour makes me think you are racist.
Normal people like me see more about a person than just the colour of their skin, also at a glance.
I think I have pity for him being racist and not wanting to be, but I am confused. He can’t help the thoughts that go through his head, if that’s what he means, but I don’t know if he is also acting on those thoughts. If he is, then yeah, just stop, lol.
Except it’s not so simple. Research consistently shows that even people who believe themselves not to be prejudiced act differently based on prejudice. Having a “black” name, BIPOC, a woman, disabled, or any other “minority” affects actions and attitudes subliminally.
Who do you ask a question to (the person pushing the wheelchair, or the person in the wheelchair?), sit next to on public transit (the black guy or the white woman?), friend’s teenager you ask to babysit/house-sit (the white girl or the black guy?), hire to do your gardening (the Hispanic man or the black woman?), question do you take first after your work presentation (white man or Indigenous woman?), smile at politely as you pass on the street (the unhoused?), etc.
For someone who acknowledges they are racist, these biases run deep, and I imagine it must be mentally taxing to constantly run a filter on your actions you notice, let alone all your unconscious/automatic reactions.
As someone who’s a “woke” anti-racist, I find it challenging to even notice my biases, let alone change my actions. (When’s the last time you made eye contact and smiled at an unhoused person automatically, without noticing you’re doing it? I do so, but it’s a conscious action for me, not automatic.)
I don’t disagree, but it’s like asking a woman who she would rather be alone with, an unknown man or an unknown woman. There’s also familiarity bias and having more in common. I don’t think I have to be racist or prejudice to know there will in general be less friction with a white dude vs a black dude, because that’s just most people around me. I still try and ignore that because I know it’s limiting my experiences, but there are good reasons that I wouldn’t ascribe purely to prejudice.
Also for the wheelchair example, I again think there are reasons for this. For the person in the wheelchair you often don’t know why, did they have a stroke and can’t speak? Are they ill? Or did they just hurt their leg? I’m not saying people wouldn’t be biased against the disabled even if that weren’t true, but a lot of these have legitimate reasons that aren’t just prejudice (maybe the dictionary definition but not irrational prejudice).
Who do you ask a question to (the person pushing the wheelchair, or the person in the wheelchair?),
-> depends on why they sit in a wheelchair and what I want to ask.
sit next to on public transit (the black guy or the white woman?)
-> I mostly stand but again, if I had to sit, it depends on the vibe I am getting from both, with - vibe considered equal - a tendency to sit near a guy to not make a woman feel uncomfortable.
, friend’s teenager you ask to babysit/house-sit (the white girl or the black guy?),
-> if color of skin or gender enter my considerations, I would let neither anywhere near a child, as I obviously do not know them nearly well enough.
hire to do your gardening (the Hispanic man or the black woman?)
-> I will not pay someone to do chores for me, doing everyday chores is what keeps people grounded. I don’t want to risk becoming something like a boomer.
, question do you take first after your work presentation (white man or Indigenous woman?),
-> whoever signaled a question first
smile at politely as you pass on the street (the unhoused?)
-> everyone that makes eye contact
-> holy shit you made that list of examples sound like it’s in any way difficult to know exactly how to behave.
Ok say you had to let someone watch your dog or it will starve or get very sick from overeating and all your friends/family/acquaintances are out of town, and there was a medical emergency that the ambulance is just about ready to leave, and you were wearing headphones so you didn’t notice anything was wrong until the people in the ambulance walked in through the door someone else had opened for them. You have 10 seconds before the ambulance leaves with your loved one, and have to decide from 2 onlookers. One person is white and one is black. That is the only difference you can gather as you are quickly walking by, and you don’t have time to get a good look at either of them. You can only choose one because your landlord’s policy only allows you to have 1 person who isn’t you have a key to your apartment. Which do you choose?
For you to write up such an elaborate mental gymnastic just to ask a question about skin colour makes me think you are racist. Normal people like me see more about a person than just the colour of their skin, also at a glance.