Like when I was a kid, seeing all the holiday decor around the neighborhood, the stores, the streets, always felt cozy. I don’t get that feeling anymore. I get the memory of it, but not the actual feeling. I don’t think I got jaded but maybe I did. What about you?
I hated Christmas for a long time because it was a bunch of obligations to a huge family as a kid (5 sets of grandparents via divorce and remarriage) where I was bored and the adults fought. For a long time, my Christmas movie was The Ref.
Christmas started rough with my partner; she maintained that certain things about Christmas had to be just so which brought conflict and bad memories. Once we figured out we could decide what we wanted Christmas to be, we created our own traditions and have a generally relaxed day. Our families are on the other side of the country so we don’t bother.
Our Christmas tree has giant googly eyes. We get food from Jewish delis and Chinese restaurants. The past several years we’ve watched one of the Lord of the Rings movies since they’ve got elves in them and I hadn’t seen them. Presents get wrapped and have string shibari on them. It’s been nice and low pressure, neither beholden to strict traditions nor rebelling against them, just making it ours.
This year has been stressful enough that we didn’t give a hoot about decorating. The tree is up but I haven’t gotten around to putting its skirt on. No garland on the railings, no lights in the windows. Doing a lot fewer presents that haven’t even been wrapped. Neither one of us is taking much time off around it. So even our little bit of comfort and joy this year seems like just a slight break in being ground down by everything.