The worst part is when you make strides in your life to outgrow and overcome the toxic behaviors you developed as a kid, but when you’re with family it’s like you revert. I’m not the same person at work, with friends, with partners, in public, etc. as I am when around family. Talking with my mom is like tearing down the walls of a therapy office - everything I worked so hard to become gets thrashed as soon as she says something to me. Working on not being a push-over? Mom knows how to guilt-trip me into doing what she wants. Trying to establish boundaries? Lol, good luck. My mom even tries to pry into HIPAA-protected information about patients I’ve worked with (and gets upset when I tell her - a former nurse - that I legally can’t tell her anything.)
Then I get asked why I’m “being this way” or “being difficult” and like… I had to learn the hard way how to socialize as a mature adult, in part because the things my mom calls “immature” are actually healthy, mature reactions. She’s got it all twisted and I know there is no unlearning that at this point for her.
those aren’t adults, those are entitled children in grown up bodies.
plus, i think that regression, where the moment I’m with them I feel like I’m 10 years old being bullied by my siblings and gaslit by my parents is a PTSD response. except that they haven’t change do the only difference is that we’re all older but the abuse persists.
Agreed. No wonder it hurts so much sometimes. No wonder I end up with dreams where I’m a lost child and nobody will help me. Childhood trauma is hard to climb out of.
You could say that. My girlfriend’s mom adores me. When she found out I was going to their family’s Thanksgiving, she was giddy as can be. It’s a refreshing change from being around my family, where it’s pretty much just the kids who are excited to see me.
The worst part is when you make strides in your life to outgrow and overcome the toxic behaviors you developed as a kid, but when you’re with family it’s like you revert. I’m not the same person at work, with friends, with partners, in public, etc. as I am when around family. Talking with my mom is like tearing down the walls of a therapy office - everything I worked so hard to become gets thrashed as soon as she says something to me. Working on not being a push-over? Mom knows how to guilt-trip me into doing what she wants. Trying to establish boundaries? Lol, good luck. My mom even tries to pry into HIPAA-protected information about patients I’ve worked with (and gets upset when I tell her - a former nurse - that I legally can’t tell her anything.)
Then I get asked why I’m “being this way” or “being difficult” and like… I had to learn the hard way how to socialize as a mature adult, in part because the things my mom calls “immature” are actually healthy, mature reactions. She’s got it all twisted and I know there is no unlearning that at this point for her.
those aren’t adults, those are entitled children in grown up bodies.
plus, i think that regression, where the moment I’m with them I feel like I’m 10 years old being bullied by my siblings and gaslit by my parents is a PTSD response. except that they haven’t change do the only difference is that we’re all older but the abuse persists.
Agreed. No wonder it hurts so much sometimes. No wonder I end up with dreams where I’m a lost child and nobody will help me. Childhood trauma is hard to climb out of.
found family is your favourite trope?
You could say that. My girlfriend’s mom adores me. When she found out I was going to their family’s Thanksgiving, she was giddy as can be. It’s a refreshing change from being around my family, where it’s pretty much just the kids who are excited to see me.