Today, Donald Trump held his first meeting of his new grifting bribe operation “Board of Peace,” the fake UN substitute he’s set up so corrupt world leaders, dictators and warlords — just the absolute most garbage leaders on the planet — can give him money while they all say “Board of Peace” a lot. Also he steals your money and gives it to himself, for “Board of Peace” purposes.
During that meeting, he explained to the young, handsome 47-year-old leader of Paraguay that he’s not into him in that way. He only likes young, um, “women.”
“It’s always nice to be young and handsome. It doesn’t mean we have to like you. I don’t like young handsome men. Women? I like! [big laughs at own joke from star of Epstein Files].”
Was that the most awkward and creepy moment in the meeting, or just one in a meeting full of them? It was the second thing, of course.
There was the moment when JD Vance told a “joke,” and even in that room of people who were lined up to lick Hitler’s asshole, he couldn’t even score a courtesy laugh, that’s how thoroughly off-putting and unlikeable he is.
His “joke” was supposed to be at the expense of Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez, whose star turn at the Munich Security Conference has put so much fear of God into American Nazis and fascists that they’ve spent the entire past week focused on one small moment when she paused too long to give an answer. We would try to transcribe Couchy’s “joke,” but you really ought to experience the “please clap” and “you didn’t say thank you!” nature of it for yourself.
The rest of the meeting was the same as any other Trump gathering, because he’s needy, senile, feeble and stupid. He played the same shitty Trump basic grandpa bitch playlist he plays for everybody, everywhere. During “November Rain,” he asked his guests, like a basic grandpa bitch, if they liked the music, like Axl Rose’s power ballad is his own personal Lawrence Welk.
He whined, whined, whined, whined, whined about not getting the Nobel Peace Prize, while lying that he doesn’t care about the Nobel Peace Prize.
He bragged about FIFA creating a pity peace prize for him, as if that is not the most embarrassing fucking thing in the world and any normal person wouldn’t die of humiliation if that happened to them. He referred to it as “their first peace prize,” as if the soccer guys are going to do this every year, like they didn’t run up in the attic to find something to give Trump and tell him it’s a “peace prize.”
He told the gathered dictators, some of whom were from the Middle East, that there is peace in the Middle East. You know, except for that whole Gaza thing and the fact that he’s putting together weapons for more strikes on Iran.
He continued to hallucinate about all the wars Stephen Miller (or someone) has convinced him that he’s ended. (He has ended zero wars, and everyone in that room knows it.)
He told weird lies about how often women go to see his shitty wife’s piece of shit movie.
He whined, whined, whined, whined, whined about the United Nations, and how they messed up his teleprompter, and how he ALMOST DIED trying to walk up their escalator. He has told this story 67,386,462 times, because his brain is nothing but grievances and pudding.
He bragged about the Dow — THE DOW! THE DOW! — because “Board of Peace.”
He bragged about his own corruption, then openly asked for some more people to bribe him, because it’s just that easy.
At the end of the meeting, all the gathered dictators and creeps got to go around and say their favorite things about Donald Trump, like a Mario Kart-dick-sucking Cabinet meeting with foreign accents! Trump appeared to doze off for much of it, because he’s not up to spending that much time doing things these days.
