I saw a straight-up depressing ad at my last visit to the theater. A couple of guys are out back of a restaurant talking, and a third guy joins them.

Guy 1: What are you doing with your tax refund?

Guy 2: I’m going to buy some recording equipment and start that podcast I’ve always wanted to!

Guy 1: Nice. I’m putting it back into this truck that I have so I can keep making money making deliveries to restaurants! How about you, [Guy 3]?

Guy 3: [Smiles ruefully, opens his phone to…]

And the ad is for an app that invests your money in crypto currencies. So the ad is shitting on the idea of pursuing your creative dream or owning your own real-world business, and endorsing the idea of taking all your money to the crypto casino.

Fuck. That. Shit.

She forgot that butts exist. And feet.

Someone remade Portal as a browser-based side scroller, and I fucking loved that game.

I played through Horizon: Zero Dawn and Forbidden West, and with how hard every NPC was flirting with Aloy, I wondered “Why isn’t this a post-apocalyptic dating sim?”

In Divinity: Original Sin II, there’s a game-breaking mechanic where you can plant tea plants in pots, grow new tea plants, harvest them, and then use the buffs from drinking tea to get infinite moves during fights. I actually got into the whole management of the tea farm, and I don’t want to totally throw out the RPG combat, but I might like it if farming and then using your crops to win fights was an entire game unto itself, rather than just a broken exploit.

And cliffs! Sheer cliffs seem to be much less geologically common than my childhood led me to believe.

At first I thought the American just couldn’t recognize short-haired flat-chested Scandinavian moms as women.

I became a knife guy. It started when I was visiting a government surplus store and I realized that I could buy knives that had been confiscated at security checkpoints at a steep discount. Then I started developing opinions about grips and blade geometries.

Now I’m wearing a neck knife every day, and I tell people that once you start carrying a knife, you’re amazed to find all the convenient uses you can find for the thing in a given day.

I’ll be honest, I’ve given real thought to the idea of trying to leverage toxic masculinity to get men to take on more domestic responsibilities.

“What kind of real man needs a woman to cook for him?!”

“Bro, are you telling me that a woman can change a diaper but you can’t?!”

“Dude, if you can’t braid your daughter’s hair and get her to dance lessons on time, are you even a real man?!”

Card is confounding because those first few Ender books are unequivocally about the importance of empathy and recognition of common personhood, even across seeming-impenetrable species boundaries, and how mutual respect and love are the most important quality a person can have. And then… yadda yadda yadda, OSC is a gigantic bigot. The. Fuck?

ADBS originated over fourteen years ago.

• Be born rich

• Spend the rest of your life falling up stairs

See also: Sears pioneering the concept of ordering things through the mail from a catalogue, and then getting demolished by Amazon’s online ordering system. Way to go guys, you got destroyed by some upstart punk doing what you got started doing, but doing it better and cheaper than you could.

You guys like Bruce Lee movies? I saw Enter the Dragon six times.

The Hague: [Pouring out a huge crate full of dozens of skeletons] What the fuck…?

Got some potential

Blank:

Is email / emails like fish / fishes or grass / grasses?

This is true. The Mythbusters episodes about double dipping tortilla chips in salsa and about leaving your toothbrush in the bathroom convinced me that the entire world is covered in an invisible layer of poo and there’s nothing I can do about it, so I’ve got to just try to accept it.

I’m married to a beautiful woman that I love but…

…I’m not like, one hundred percent straight.