sinwell

1. For individuals, the use of the “trans” descriptor usually isn’t obligatory. By default I just use man, woman, neither, either… however they identify. No special rules. In some contexts I’ll try to remember “trans.” If it’s important to a particular trans person to include that part, for example, or if they’re still mostly cis-presenting and I might need the mental post-it note. Otherwise it’s usually simpler and more affirming to just roll with their identity as given/presented.
2. For groups, you’ve probably heard people say “trans men and women,” which leaves out our nonbinary friends. Instead I try to use “trans people” when possible, even for myself, just to be inclusive of all spectra of transition, acknowledge shared experiences, and express solidarity. The obvious exception is where binary gender identity is immediately applicable, such as FIDE’s exclusion of trans women.
3. Re: when to add “trans,” there is a related faux pas that’s very common. It’s generally weird and sometimes rude to ask if (or guess whether) someone is trans if they haven’t volunteered the information themselves. Similarly, if someone hasn’t offered any gender or pronouns, for themselves or someone else, it’s generally most polite to assume none.
4. To do that, usually you need only use gender neutral pronouns. In contemporary professional English writing these are “they” and “them.” Yes, these were once 3PP but now thet are far more useful as the pronouns of choice wherever gender is unknown or irrelevant. And they are essentially never incorrect. If someone has asked you to use more specific pronouns, you ought to as a kindness (to affirm their gender identity) but if you forget and accidentally use the neutral pronouns, you only missed an opportunity to be affirming.
5. If relevant or important, you may need to inquire about their gender. This is where people put their foot in their mouth most often. In 2026 the best way to phrase the question is to ask about their pronouns (NOT to ask “man or woman?” which instantly makes you sound old AF).
6. That said… (final tip) asking people’s pronouns without justification can come across as pushy/prying since not everyone wishes to (or is ready to) identify. Perhaps worse, it can come across as disingenuous (performative/patronizing) to those who care and a boorish cliche to everyone else. So if it’s relevant, include why you’re asking. For example, “when I describe your work to the team, what pronouns would you prefer I use for your introduction?”

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