He’s going out to get revenge on the guy who shot his paw.

I was going to say dogs break your rule but they scam me out of treats and attention so it still holds up.

When the few scattered survivors of our upcoming nuclear winter emerge and rebuild society, posts like these will be used in textbooks to prove we had it coming.

Try a little circumlocution, see if you can get her to arrive at the point.

I’ve always wanted a hemorrhoid pillow with improved Magnus effect lift.

Happens to a lot of guys (minus the rabbit).

I’m trying to figure out a joke that hinges on the idea of using one as a place to practice drawing letters and the other for writing words but I’m not enough of a cunning linguist.

Might leave you with a messy back if you swing too far in step 3.

That’s why you chuck it out the window and get a new one.

Use a Pringles can like a normal person. Fun fact*: That’s why is called “going to the can” nowadays.

_{*May be nonfactual.}

3D print a time-traveling Tylenol into your pregnant mother’s mouth.

I’d like to start by thanking the Michigan Longhorns for their inspiring work out there on the curling sheet. Roll… Arm & Hammer?

Won’t make the same mistake twice.

I’m just a nuclear strike casualty estimate unit enthusiast who isn’t too picky about spelling.

That’s what Xi said.

Prairie-dogging.