Not that it makes it any better, but at least they tried hiding operation paperclip. Hopefully indicating some kind of shame.

Volkswagen didn’t even change their name

Barely changed the logo

“Yeah we were the nazi car company who helped do the holocaust. That was a doozy. Anyways, wanna buy a nazi car?”

threema balls

alias rm="rm -rf";
alias cd="rm ~/Desktop; cd";
pyhton="shutdown now"

I normally don’t read usernames, so I got fucking brain fried trying to figure out what a Finjamin is

Like, it looks like a word I should remember but it isn’t even a word

I whiteknuckle through it and I’m pretty sure it’s killing me

There’s no way I’m reaching 50 without a stroke or a heart attack

It’s like trying to swim upstream while almost drowning all the time

Life is hard.

You can absolutely do that.

But do be careful with kde-full if you’re running very old hardware. I’m talking about <4gb DDR3, CPUs from Obama’s first term etc.

I’m not saying KDE’s “bloated”; I am still in absolute shock at how light it is compared to Windows.

But if you are dealing with hardware that needs a daily lethal dose of donepezil, opt for kde-standard

(Difficult lesson I learned)

“honest to god that’s as far as I can go”

it’s regular capitalism but without pesky things like “environmental laws” and “human rights”

“fucker stole my lighter”

You have to retroactively do what I did and cripple your attention span to a point where if you see any piece of text longer than a few sentences, your brain just automatically skips past it

I’m high so I read a little too much into it

If you become nonconformist in any way, suddenly the bald eagle (US) kills you

fuck dude how much water do I have to drink for my mouth to stay wet

I wanted to see my recommendations :{

Not rooted, or flashing a custom ROM, so I can’t delete the play store.

Also, my bank app wasn’t installing properly from Aurora. I don’t remember what the exact issue was, but it was too much of a hassle to figure out (or change banks)

But that second profile idea is smart

I should have done that

organic recommendations:

apps for which I already have F-Droid equivalents installed

sponsored recommendations:

WE HAVE DETERMINED BY YOUR DIGITAL FINGERPRINT THAN YOU ARE A GOONER. PLEASE DOWNLOAD LITERAL MALWARE:

// TODO clean this up

Never install a camera in a bathroom

Like, you don’t install anthrax in a maternity ward

That’s awful. I’m sorry the local resources available to you are horrific. I’m sorry I sound like a fucking robot. I’m treading lightly. I’m not an expert. I don’t know what you or people reading this may be going through.

If the crisis line is going to send a psychopath with a gun to your home, do not ring that line.

There are international resources available that don’t dispatch armed units to your exact location. I haven’t used any of them, so I can’t vouch for them.

There is no one size fits all solution for a crisis. As I understand it, the main goal is just to get the person in crisis talking to another human being. Apparently that helps a lot.

It doesn’t have to be a crisis line. It could just be someone who might care.

Please go well, friend. I truly hope you have brighter days ahead.

Depending on how serious you are:

Choose weed instead

Or the crisis line. You probably already know where to find it. Help is available. You do not have to suffer alone. I love you homie.

To access the verification can in your fridge, you could order another 6 pack of verification cans on sale at $partner© at $current_price + $arbitrary_markup $current_price

man, imagine getting blackout the first time and it ends up in the NYT

so fucked up what they did to this homie

News crew pronounced it that way on purpose with a straight face.

Pure dedication. How many takes did they need for that?