i thought it would be nice if we shared some general expiriences. i list some of my learnings below. feel free to add! :))
note that i was a part of my local queer spaces for longer already, so my thoutghts on networks might seem obvious to you. but since i gad my inner coming out my love for my communities has only intensified.
local networks are key
there are a lot of good reasons to seek out for other queer people in your area (be it a queer party or a self help group). the obvious downside is that you need to trust those people. especially in harsher political/societal environments it might be a hard decision, who to trust. my pros:
- you will find people who live in the same city/region and who can give you important advice.
- you can exchange contacts of doctors/practioners and learn who to avoid.
- you will find yourself in a (more) accepting space, where people will sit next to you while you vent your frustration and share your joy.
- you will find radical friends. solidarity is strong. queer groups tend to make happen a lot of crazy stuff for their members. you will be adopted by them.
being out might not just help you
this is anecdotal but i have helped some people navigating early transition, which i could not have done in the same way, if i hadn’t been out to my friends and haven’t had the confidence to (quasi) publicly share my expiriences. similarly i know a person who is very stealth (transitioned as teen, moved …), and is only out to a few close friends. she is scared of the political climate and with this very alone. when i came out to her, we talked a while and i promised to be a proxy for her to our local groups, if she doesn’t want to out herself but needs help.
don’t get too excited – but celebrate steps!
i’d advice general scepticism. your hormones might get lost in the mail, your surgery postponed. or some other shit doesn’t go as planned. there is a lot of potential to get your hopes crushed. believe it when you have it.
frustration will build up. so celebrate any little step you achieved.
being yourself is so much easier than pretending
first i was afraid, (i was petrified), it would be hard to play a new role, that i needed to put in hard work to convince people i was a woman. in the end i am still myself but i don’t police myself as much anymore. sure i have done a lot more shopping lately, but that was fun, not a chore. i wear what i deem fitting. in short, i stopped worrying, if i was presenting too fem and just started to go for it. and that’s so much easier.
I’ve gained sooo much perspective in sooo many areas of life, but I feel like one thing that has stood out is how inspiring we can be to the people around us and in our lives. I don’t believe it’s necessarily a transition thing as much as it is an authenticity thing.
Friends I’ve made during/after transitioning, along with friends I had prior, have all opened up to me about how much I’ve influenced their confidence to express and present themselves more openly and honestly. It was something I found super interesting because it’s their precense in my life that gives me the feelings of safety and comfort to be me. I have very much noticed that all of them have been leaning into their unique styles and have been shining so bright. Some have opened up about how they’ve noticed a change in how they interact with people throughout the day- less code switching and greeting and interacting with people with more warmth and less reservation and distance.
It has not been limited to friends either. I’ve had people I’ve never interacted with, or had limited interactions with, approach me to share how just seeing me on different occasions has inspired them in different ways. I feel like so many people want to shine but are afraid to do so, and I think sometimes our precense can be very inspiring 🩷