You know, I appreciate that perspective because I do believe it’s important overall if we’re ever going to recover as a society, but I’m also concerned that perhaps as a society we’re just too far gone. Some people will never get it, and you have to be prepared for that, but I do think it’s a good thing to leave that door open for people who eventually come around. If that door isn’t open, they’ll just go back to their same old echo chambers.
At the same time, be aware that there’s a certain combination of narcissism and dunning-kruger which will lead some people to believe you’re validating them by listening and asking questions, and they may double down or even go on to be even more confidently outlandish, because someone who seemed smart decided to listen to them and ask them questions, so clearly they must be even more smarter!
Like, you know that technique they teach you in basic interpersonal communication and conflict resolution classes? The one where you’re supposed to listen to a person and repeat back what they said before laying out why you disagree with it?
Yeah, that doesn’t work when as soon as you finish summarizing their point to them they go “Yeah, exactly, I’m glad you agree,” and then change the topic into something even more batshit crazy…
Maybe an important point in all this is you don’t have to hide your intentions or even agree. While the idea is to get them to think safely without putting up a defensive perimeter, you can still be genuine about your point of view. How that happens might be circumstantial, but, for example, you can probably always safely say something like, “I’m not saying I agree, but I was curious about your point of view.” Of course, every discussion (and how we navigate it) is going to be different.
You know, I appreciate that perspective because I do believe it’s important overall if we’re ever going to recover as a society, but I’m also concerned that perhaps as a society we’re just too far gone. Some people will never get it, and you have to be prepared for that, but I do think it’s a good thing to leave that door open for people who eventually come around. If that door isn’t open, they’ll just go back to their same old echo chambers.
At the same time, be aware that there’s a certain combination of narcissism and dunning-kruger which will lead some people to believe you’re validating them by listening and asking questions, and they may double down or even go on to be even more confidently outlandish, because someone who seemed smart decided to listen to them and ask them questions, so clearly they must be even more smarter!
Like, you know that technique they teach you in basic interpersonal communication and conflict resolution classes? The one where you’re supposed to listen to a person and repeat back what they said before laying out why you disagree with it?
Yeah, that doesn’t work when as soon as you finish summarizing their point to them they go “Yeah, exactly, I’m glad you agree,” and then change the topic into something even more batshit crazy…
Maybe an important point in all this is you don’t have to hide your intentions or even agree. While the idea is to get them to think safely without putting up a defensive perimeter, you can still be genuine about your point of view. How that happens might be circumstantial, but, for example, you can probably always safely say something like, “I’m not saying I agree, but I was curious about your point of view.” Of course, every discussion (and how we navigate it) is going to be different.
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