A few weeks ago my boyfriend was chased across the parking lot of his apartment complex by a goose. He took refuge on a bench by the pond.

At which point the gator living in that pond started coming through the water in his direction. He stood up, ripples stop, gator stops. Sits back down, gator starts coming again. Stands up, it stops. Sits down, gator is a-comin’. He left at that point.

I am convinced the gator and the goose were in cahoots, and the goose was promised safety in exchange for a sacrifice