This is something I’ve noticed a lot among well-intentioned people who aren’t trans themselves. When talking about a trans person, especially in the context of talking about them before and after transitioning, they’ll use they/them instead of she/her or he/him, as the trans person in question goes by.
It always kind of rubs me the wrong way, because like, unless they want to go by they/them, it’s still misgendering, right?
But I also always kinda feel awkward correcting the speaker on someone else’s behalf, because maybe they do go by she/they or they/he, and I just don’t know. But it feels way more common that it’s someone who doesn’t feel comfortable using she/her for a trans woman, for example.
I don’t know. Am I overthinking this? How do y’all handle situations like that?
They/them has always been the way to refer to someone whose gender you don’t know. It is the neutral term between binary ones. So, if they don’t know or are unsure which binary pronouns to use then I think it’s a positive.
As for correcting someone, I think it’s fine to do that. If the person in question continues to use the wrong pronouns after correcting, that’s when I might actually consider it misgendering, unless they’re just super ADHD like me, and then it’s possible it might take a second reminder, LOL.
For reference, I’m technically a trans-woman though I’m agender, I present femme and prefer she or they.