This is something I’ve noticed a lot among well-intentioned people who aren’t trans themselves. When talking about a trans person, especially in the context of talking about them before and after transitioning, they’ll use they/them instead of she/her or he/him, as the trans person in question goes by.

It always kind of rubs me the wrong way, because like, unless they want to go by they/them, it’s still misgendering, right?

But I also always kinda feel awkward correcting the speaker on someone else’s behalf, because maybe they do go by she/they or they/he, and I just don’t know. But it feels way more common that it’s someone who doesn’t feel comfortable using she/her for a trans woman, for example.

I don’t know. Am I overthinking this? How do y’all handle situations like that?

  • HairyTeeth@lemmy.zipEnglish
    3·
    25 days ago

    Why?

    For one, that’s a hell of a responsibility to give others, even well meaning others. I wouldn’t want my friends to feel they had to speak on my behalf, nor would I do so on theirs. I’d say that’s a healthy level of respect to have in a friendship.

    But to a larger point: Why are you so concerned about conversations others may or may not be having about you?

    Just to rephrase the point you just made: You’re so worried that people who don’t know you well enough to be sure of your preferred pronouns may be misgendering you with non-gendered pronouns, that you hope others will correct them on your behalf.

    This is, at minimum, overthinking, and at worst a deeply unhealthy mindset to have.

    The kindest thing I can say is that whether or not you consider this a problem, it’s at least a rare one; nobody talks about you as much as you think. People’s favourite topics of discussion are themselves, and the odds are this doesn’t happen even a fraction as much as you think.