No, I think you should try to stand up to their criticism, educate them until they either become better, or until they choose to self-select themselves out of your life instead. We are social creatures; speech, criticism, argument, shame and rejection are key tools we use to shape others behavior. You may not get exactly the result you intend, but you will almost inevitably be able to change their behavior somehow.
Conflict is natural. We’ve become too socially conflict-averse and it has let nasty people thrive when they shouldn’t and reinforces their attitudes to others. We need to stop tolerating other people’s shitty attitudes. Make it intolerable for people who are intolerant.
Oh, they just tell me I’m a loser with no ambition when i push back. Or if it’s someone I’m dating, they break up with me after telling me that. I am the one who is at fault here, not them.
I live in America man. You are not allowed to be modest and enjoy your life here. You have to always be striving for more and deeply unhappy with what you already have. It’s the national religion. If you have 50K in the bank you need to want 500K, if you have 500K you need 5million, if you have 5 million you need to want 50 million, so on and so on. hedonistic treadmill never ends.
Where I live owning a modest 500K apartment is not considered achievement it’s considered failure at life. Achievement is owning a 5 million dollar home. And in the places where they own 5 million dollar homes, they all want to own 50 million dollar ones.
There’s a ton of new housing construction where I live (Philly suburbs) but it’s almost entirely these $800K “town” houses (in the middle of a fucking field). One of the main companies building them is named “NV Homes”. I wondered who the initials “NV” stood for until I got it: “Envy” homes. It’s depressing to imagine people borrowing a fucking million dollars to buy a big cardboard box because they imagine other people will be jealous of them.
It’s so funny. I have four things I want. A specific musical instrument; a new fancy etrike with specific settings; a small insulated RV with solar, shower, a decent kitchen, a bed, and most importantly a ramp to get the trike in and a few less important things; and a vehicle what can haul all of that, preferably electric or more preferably plug in hybrid so’s I can recharge offa my RV’s solar and use petroleum if I need a longer haul.
I’m told that’s too small to dream of, but like, I know what I want. I know where I want to be. I know what I want to do. That has it covered.
Anybody who calls me “a loser with no ambition” doesn’t get the privilege of my company. Anybody who doesn’t respect your lifestyle and priorities and preferences to the point of insulting you is not your friend. They can disagree with your choices, but that level of disrespect is unacceptable.
I’m also in America. Tons of coworkers are obsessed with making more money to buy more shit, and I’m just over here with my little townhouse with my wife and dog, driving my little commuter EV, saving money instead of spending it. They can’t comprehend that I just go a year without buying shit other than groceries even though I make good money.
It’s your life. It’s okay to value time over materials. It’s not hurting anybody. Fuck keeping up with the Joneses. Let them run around all they want while you enjoy your little slice more than they could ever enjoy their larger slice.
Perhaps being a “loser” according to the standards of nasty, cruel, selfish people who are too ignorant to realize they are any of those things is actually a sign of success and a good thing. Don’t let your surroundings define your morality. It’s normal that living in such an environment will skew your moral compass, but you can correct for that, and it doesn’t make you wrong.
Yeah, but if you don’t believe in God and everyone else around you worships that God, well that’s just something you have to deal with isn’t it?
It’s bizarre but it is what it is. Not really on board with the moral purists here who are like ‘root out the non-believers from your life’. I personally just don’t care that much about housing, or cars, or job titles or any of that stuff. I roll with the punches of life, it’s not like it’s something I sit around stewing about hours per day, or talk to my therapist about every week.
No, I think you should try to stand up to their criticism, educate them until they either become better, or until they choose to self-select themselves out of your life instead. We are social creatures; speech, criticism, argument, shame and rejection are key tools we use to shape others behavior. You may not get exactly the result you intend, but you will almost inevitably be able to change their behavior somehow.
Conflict is natural. We’ve become too socially conflict-averse and it has let nasty people thrive when they shouldn’t and reinforces their attitudes to others. We need to stop tolerating other people’s shitty attitudes. Make it intolerable for people who are intolerant.
Oh, they just tell me I’m a loser with no ambition when i push back. Or if it’s someone I’m dating, they break up with me after telling me that. I am the one who is at fault here, not them.
I live in America man. You are not allowed to be modest and enjoy your life here. You have to always be striving for more and deeply unhappy with what you already have. It’s the national religion. If you have 50K in the bank you need to want 500K, if you have 500K you need 5million, if you have 5 million you need to want 50 million, so on and so on. hedonistic treadmill never ends.
Where I live owning a modest 500K apartment is not considered achievement it’s considered failure at life. Achievement is owning a 5 million dollar home. And in the places where they own 5 million dollar homes, they all want to own 50 million dollar ones.
There’s a ton of new housing construction where I live (Philly suburbs) but it’s almost entirely these $800K “town” houses (in the middle of a fucking field). One of the main companies building them is named “NV Homes”. I wondered who the initials “NV” stood for until I got it: “Envy” homes. It’s depressing to imagine people borrowing a fucking million dollars to buy a big cardboard box because they imagine other people will be jealous of them.
It’s so funny. I have four things I want. A specific musical instrument; a new fancy etrike with specific settings; a small insulated RV with solar, shower, a decent kitchen, a bed, and most importantly a ramp to get the trike in and a few less important things; and a vehicle what can haul all of that, preferably electric or more preferably plug in hybrid so’s I can recharge offa my RV’s solar and use petroleum if I need a longer haul.
I’m told that’s too small to dream of, but like, I know what I want. I know where I want to be. I know what I want to do. That has it covered.
Anybody who calls me “a loser with no ambition” doesn’t get the privilege of my company. Anybody who doesn’t respect your lifestyle and priorities and preferences to the point of insulting you is not your friend. They can disagree with your choices, but that level of disrespect is unacceptable.
I’m also in America. Tons of coworkers are obsessed with making more money to buy more shit, and I’m just over here with my little townhouse with my wife and dog, driving my little commuter EV, saving money instead of spending it. They can’t comprehend that I just go a year without buying shit other than groceries even though I make good money.
It’s your life. It’s okay to value time over materials. It’s not hurting anybody. Fuck keeping up with the Joneses. Let them run around all they want while you enjoy your little slice more than they could ever enjoy their larger slice.
Yeah, I’m not as anti-social as that. I have never met anyone who isn’t keeping up with the Jones.
It’s not anti-social to not surround yourself with toxic people.
it’s anti social to think anyone who is different than you is toxic.
That’s not what was said.
People insulting you for having a perfectly reasonable apartment size are toxic.
If a date calls you a loser for that, they’re doing you a favor by giving you an early red flag so you can move on.
Anyone who criticizes your living situation like that isn’t someone whose opinions aren’t worth listening to.
Naw, you just have actual ambitions or goals. More is not an ambition, it’s a sickness.
Rocco wants more
Perhaps being a “loser” according to the standards of nasty, cruel, selfish people who are too ignorant to realize they are any of those things is actually a sign of success and a good thing. Don’t let your surroundings define your morality. It’s normal that living in such an environment will skew your moral compass, but you can correct for that, and it doesn’t make you wrong.
Yeah, but if you don’t believe in God and everyone else around you worships that God, well that’s just something you have to deal with isn’t it?
It’s bizarre but it is what it is. Not really on board with the moral purists here who are like ‘root out the non-believers from your life’. I personally just don’t care that much about housing, or cars, or job titles or any of that stuff. I roll with the punches of life, it’s not like it’s something I sit around stewing about hours per day, or talk to my therapist about every week.