I’ve taken about 8 shits today and my ass is completely raw and blown out. I don’t even know how that much feces can be inside of me at one time.
I ran out of coffee and have been drinking energy drinks all week. So I just bought more coffee and immediately it started coming out in heaps. Like I filled the bowl all the way to the top and had to flush it down before it clogged.
Then every subsequent shit also filled the bowl and I had to flush it to keep it from clogging again. I think there was like 10 pounds of shit total.
How is this possible???
Leave Max out of your poop problems! Go get some Gatorade
Are you the C.L.I.T. commander, OP?
Infinite poop.
You sit on the toilet to poop, but the poop never stops coming out of your butt. You have to start flushing the toilet every two minutes to keep up. You try to pinch your butt closed but that makes your insides hurt.
The poop accelerates.
You call 911. The paramedics call for doctors. The doctors call for specialists. The story trends on Twitter. You turn down talk show appearances. Your septic tank fails. People form a cult. Your toilet is finished. Volunteers arrive with buckets and shovels. You are completely used to the smell.
The poop accelerates.
You are moved to a stepladder with a hole in the top step. The poop accelerates. The shovelers abandon the buckets and shovel directly out the window.
The poop accelerates.
A candlelight vigil forms around your house. One of the workers falls over and can’t free himself.
The poop accelerates.
A priest knocks over the stepladder and tackles you out the window. You land in the pile.
The poop accelerates.
The force now propels you forward and upward. Vigil goers grab at your legs. The poop ignites from their candles. The Facebook live event hits 1 million viewers.
The poop accelerates.
You are 30 feet in the air. The fire engulfs the vigil and your house. 60 feet.
The poop accelerates.
The torrent underneath you is deafening. 5 million Facebook live viewers. You try to close up shop but your butthole disintegrated long ago. 120 feet up. Your house explodes.
The poop accelerates.
1000 feet. You are now tracked on radar. You try to change your angle of ascent but you should have thought of that way earlier.
The poop accelerates.
4,000 feet. NORAD upgrades to DEFCON 3. Concentric circles of fire engulf your city.
The poop accelerates.
You have broken the sound barrier. 30,000 feet. You no longer take in enough oxygen to sustain consciousness. 60,000 feet. CNN is reporting on all the world records you’ve broken. 200,000 feet. You are no longer alive.
The poop accelerates.
Your body disintegrates but your poop contrail remains. NASA can no longer track you. You break the light-speed barrier and we can no longer bear witness.
The poop accelerates.
Forever.
The poop accelerates.
10/10 no notes
I … Don’t want to.
Trump says 15 flushes is normal.
A true shit poster
Too much hardtack.
“GIFs you can hear…”
HARD TACK *Clack*-*Clack*
UPDATE:
I’m to to roughly 32 shits and I’ve used about as much water with flushes as an hours worth of video processing by a frontier model. My ass is officially a contributor to global warming and needs to be regulated.
This sounds less like coffee more like you are sick
Yeah, this sounds like something you might want to see a doctor about.
With what insurance
Well, certainly not with that attitude
tf when you can’t make Genghis Khan’s favourite snack because you’ve run out of medieval horse brain
If you filled the bowl to the top and then flushed, it’s already clogged.
Of course… with that attitude
One time at my old factory job a guy made us all come to the toilets to look at how much shit he did. The bowl was full.
“Lookit me, I did a big boy poo!”
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