I LOVE these. Funnier the longer I think about them. Almost serious or useful then just completely out of left field.
You can lead a man to water but you can’t teach him to be a horse
Fool me once is better than two in the bush
Does the pope shit in the woods?
Kill 2 birds in the bush.
I have a t-shirt that says “It’s not rocket surgery” and depicts a surgeon working on a rocket with it’s “guts” hanging out that are wires. I’m actually wearing it now, lol.
Haha. I actually had a computer programming professor in university who wore a shirt that said something like; “Actually; I am a rocket surgeon”. He worked on rockets.
He taught us C. That was the funniest he ever was.
What else are you wearing? ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°)
No. The bridge is too well guarded.
Ok, roll for stealth.
8
Ok, the guards are completely oblivious that you come hither, cleverly camouflaged inside a cardboard box.
You: Do you know what malaphors are?
Me: Does the pope shit in the woods?
Bob’s your oyster
Kill two cats with one bag
When life gives you melons, you might be dyslexic.
This is where I’d link to !Malaphors@slrpnk.net but my home base will be in limbo for a while 😬
There’s no use crying over fish in the sea.
Much fun, but IMO “we’ll burn that bridge when we get to it” is a perfectly valid maxim (yes I’m aware of its roots). YMMV.
My favorite is, “Why don’t you make like a tree and go fuck yourself?”
This one’s really good since some trees can self-pollinate.
People who live in glass houses sink ships.
Someone who lives in a white house shouldn’t sink ships.
A rhyming spin on that…
Stoned people with loose lips sink glass ships.
“She looks like she’s been through the run of the mill…”
