Guys no one ever says “don’t even ASK!”. It’s just that if you do ask, and the person does not have the energy or the capacity of explaining at that moment for any reason, don’t push and don’t get angry. Being oppressed is tiring, and having to explain yourself all the time is even more tiring. That’s all. If you are genuinely curious, you will find resources to learn and even people willing to teach. Just don’t expect EVERYONE to be that person.
Playing devil’s advocate: Shouldn’t those who are not in a marginalized group be somewhat expected to have a modicum of understanding for those around them, though? No one should be expected to explain how, or why, they are who they are, and being pointedly asked about it generally puts a contentious focus on that aspect. Many, many people have put their energy and effort to explain all sorts of aspects about themselves, which are readily available at a moments notice. Why not rely on those instead of bringing up a potentially vulnerable topic and/or using a single aspect of one’s identity as a talking point?
Guys no one ever says “don’t even ASK!”. It’s just that if you do ask, and the person does not have the energy or the capacity of explaining at that moment for any reason, don’t push and don’t get angry. Being oppressed is tiring, and having to explain yourself all the time is even more tiring. That’s all. If you are genuinely curious, you will find resources to learn and even people willing to teach. Just don’t expect EVERYONE to be that person.
Well said :)
Playing devil’s advocate: Shouldn’t those who are not in a marginalized group be somewhat expected to have a modicum of understanding for those around them, though? No one should be expected to explain how, or why, they are who they are, and being pointedly asked about it generally puts a contentious focus on that aspect. Many, many people have put their energy and effort to explain all sorts of aspects about themselves, which are readily available at a moments notice. Why not rely on those instead of bringing up a potentially vulnerable topic and/or using a single aspect of one’s identity as a talking point?
Well yeah that’s what I meant. Learning is necessary, teaching is voluntary.