I will never be able to take the T Pose seriously again after half a childhood of T Posing Kleiners with Phys Guns in their crotches, squeaking and screeching like demons, with their moms and/or vacuum cleaners in the background.

Well, if nobody’s told you they care about you today, I do.

Hope things are goin at least ok, that something fun or neat happened to ya in the last couple of days.

Still workin on the Zen thing, yeah.

I’m a lot better than I was, but… oh if you manage to actually piss me off, I will explode.

Usually I can control it, but… not every time.

So… not there yet.

Oh I made the choice that I will not be having kids, ever, before I got out of highschool.

Not primarily out of spite.

Primarily because I recognize that my upbringing was fucked up enough that it fucked me up, no matter how much therapy I’ve done. There are echoes and tendencies of them… and scars from them…

And also, apparently my mother (and her brother) have a literally novel form of neuropathy… like, they discovered the unique genetic sequence/mutation in them.

So just no, I’m ending this genetic and epigenetic line with myself.

Maybe, maybe if I’m ever not broke and crippled and near destitute, I would consider adoption, but unless my fortunes dramatically improve, not in the cards.

They were.

They were also probably similarly upset that they can no longer abuse me after they essentially tried to ruin my life / indirectly kill me for the … 3rd, 4th time? And I then ghosted them to the point that I’m quite sure they think I am dead.

They might be in for a surprise when I report my dad to the IRS for illegally listing me as a dependant on his taxes for the last few years though.

… I’ve got a goddamned degree in Econ and another in Poli Sci, this idiot is Q Anon MAGA cultist who builds ghosts guns in his garage, and bought a house at the literal peak of the housing market, a few years back.

But according to them, I’m the crazy idiot.

Ok then. Sure.

Anyway, I guess +1 for the CPTSD by way of ‘entire family is mentally unstable narcissists’ club.

Its much… much more terrifying if you watch both parts of The Second Rennaissance from the AniMatrix.

Basically, the machines win the war against humans and then spend a century or couple just… doing all kinds of horrifying Mengele level experiments on humans, to attempt to fully understand their biology, neurology, etc…

And also, Smith gives details about the previous versions of the Matrix, in the first movie, as he is taunting Morpheus:

Johnny Mnemonic got a headache after reading that joke.

The fun part is that the inhabitants of Zion are, canonically, shown to have very incomplete information about the actual state of the world, their own history, how the machine civilization works.

Neo is told basically ‘we think it is the year 2XXX, but really, we have no idea’, in the first movie.

Without spoiling much… Morpheus is wrong about some things, some pretty important things.

Hell, so is the Architect and even the Oracle says that some things are beyond her ability to predict.

But anyway… its entirely possible that the battery explanation is just another thing that Morpheus, the broad understanding of Zion itself, is wrong about.

So this doesn’t actually ‘break’ the canon at all.

In fact, I’d argue that it makes the idea of ‘free your mind’ even more interesting and complex.

Even the truthseekers and truthtellers… can be wrong.

Dang, I didn’t regularly get the shit beat out of me, but basically everything just up to that, screaming, random punishments that made no sense, shit getting thrown around, doors opened and slammed, etc.

Absolutely no concept of being allowed to have an actually private and safe space, untill I went off to uni.

My entire family was like this.

I also learned to wear a headset like this.

Can’t be mad about bad copper if you can’t remember Sumerian.

Heh heh heh.

I was homeless for a while.

… I know I couldn’t handle being a real paramedic.

Made my way as a make shift paramedic, treating various injuries and wounds that people would… appear with, at or near an encampment or something. Usually just field dressing a laceration, jerry rigging a makeshift splint.

Occasionally a gunshot wound.

I always begged people who needed more care than I could provide to go to a hospital.

Sometimss they did, sometimes they or their friends would refuse.

Fentanyl… zombies is actually pretty close to an accurate description.

I’ve seen more necrotic flesh, gray tissue and pus where either a stab wound or injection site once was… than I want to remember.

Your body can’t naturally heal when it’s … hooked on the blues. The stuff was all crushed blue tablets where I was, everybody just called em ‘blues’.

Successfully stabilized a few ODs … not all of them.

Also happened to be at the wrong place at the wrong time: drive by shooting.

The streets are basically like a warzone, if you’re in them too long.

Fuck, I’m two years out of homelessness now, and I’m still doing PT to recover from my own injuries.

… this is the tame, fishbowl, lemmy version of 4chan community.

Yes, yes obviously most of the people here come from very fucked up families.

… do you think normal, well adjusted, happily raised children… tend to end up anywhere near 4chan?

There’s a reason 4chan has been repeatedly targetted and 4channers have been repeadtedly weaponized by extreme right wing political groups.

4chan’s demographic is primarily fucked up young men/boys.

Genuienly, thank you for explaining to me what … it is like.

I didn’t mean to be rude, putting things the way that I did, but, in retrospect, … seems like I was.

So for that, I apologize.

Does… like what I am doing right now, typing out a sentence before hitting ‘post’… does that I guess ‘feel’ different than this kind of “motion” you describe?

Of course, the physical act of engaging your digits to actually type is one thing, as would be literally writing down a note…

Sorry, I am just… at a total loss to attempt to comprehend this at a level beyond … well the closest analogy I can think of is martial arts.

I trained for 10 years, got a black belt, and somewhere around year 7ish… it stopped being somewhat like RD Jr Sherlock Holmes logically narrating his own plan in his head… and became much more ‘instinct’, maybe like the ‘motion’ you describe… processing is going on, I could maybe give you a description of 30 seconds or a minute after a very short bout, but … semantic processing is simply too slow, at a certain point, ‘instinct’ takes over.

Now I don’t know if that sounds crazy or not, but that’s my … closest thing I can think of to what you are describing.

Another possible comparison is myself taking 3 years of Spanish.

By year 3, I was actually ‘thinking’ in Spanish, when hearing or trying to formulate Spanish. Whereas before that, English. Now that I’m significantly out of practice of that, I no longer ‘think’ in Spanish.

Maybe that is somewhat analagous to the effort you would have to undertake to have an inner monologue in any language?

No, this is actually a really interesting topic regarding cognitive development, neuroscience, and ‘what even is consciousness?’

Like, apparently, around a 1/3 to 1/2 of ‘normal’ people… don’t have an inner monologue.

They don’t have an experience of their own inner thoughts as … semantic sentences, an inner voice.

Presumably, such people would literally not be capable of thinking in detail about what they say, before they say it.

Or, maybe there is some… other kind of inner langauge of some other form?

???

I’m going to keep repeating that Ross Scott needs a statuette/bust of an upright arm gripping a crowbar, labelled ‘For Meritorious Service In The Defense and Preservation of Video Gaming’.

The one true Freeman.

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Ok so, you don’t live here.

Heres the current situation:

There are significantly more privately owned firearms in the US… then there are people.

You… would need an actual plan, to make that not be the case.

If your plan is ‘tell the government to go get all the guns’… that, that is the thing that all the stereotypical 2A people will literally start a widespread civil war or terrorism campaign or whatever you wanna call it, to resist giving up their guns.

That’s the doomsday scenario they’ve built their culture around, for… at least 40 years.

Wishful thinking will not accomplish anything.

You are acting as if the guns can just be ctrl-z’d out of existence, as if somebody could just tick a box somewhere, and suddenly hundreds of millions if firearms just… stop existing.

Thats not how this works.

The country is already well on its way to increased factionalism and violence.

The Black Panther still exist by the way. And they do armed marches, stand guard around places.

They don’t use the guns to shoot people, its force projection, it sends a message.

Like all the LGBTQ places that have had armed guards show up, to protect them, after Nazis/Proud Boys/Oath Keepers with guns threaten the club or cafe or whatever.

This kind of thing has been escalating since the George Floyd protests.

We’re beyond the point of ‘now everyone kiss and make up’.

American history is actually full of shit like this, even pretty modern American history.

You’re not gonna make that all go away by simply being exasperated by it.

Are you aware of the concept that a non Nazi can possess a firearm, in the US?

I agree that its very hypocritical of the bulk of 2A people to shirk the duty that they’ve been loudly proclaiming they need their guns to execute.

But guns do exactly what I think they do.

You’re worried about societal issues and tribalism?

Those are already here.

You do not live in a functioning democracy, if you live in the US.

The only way you could think that you live in a functioning democracy is if you uh, haven’t read the news in at least a year and a half, if you live in a magical dream world where reality is less important than your fanciful idealism.

There’s a reason all the academic experts in … you know, democracies, in decline, … there’s a reason they all left the country, months ago now.

Who is going to go around and enact your preferred policy?

A … theoretical future administration?

How are we gonna get one of those, that you like, after Trump and ICE disrupt and rig the midterms?

You’re aware that they literally declared anyone who is ‘radically pro-transgender’ to be ‘a type of major terrorist group’ right?

These are the same people that got a fuckton of people fired because they reposted clips of Charlie Kirk sayings Charlie Kirk said, after he died.

You are literally dangerously naive.

Most of the software industry uses contractors for most things, just, in general.

Here’s an example of that not working so well: Halo Infinite.

They hired a bunch of contractors to build the engine.

Contractors contracts are up, they do… something else now, somewhere else, who knows.

Now that the engine’s done, give it over to the artists and gameplay developers and… oh. Whats that?

Its confusing? Has bugs?

Uh well uh… the code is ‘self documenting’, right?

Hire some other contractors to fix the engine!

… etc.

And that’s basically how Halo Infinite happened.

Remember when somebody figured out that like, the loading screen, was re-downloading the same image, like, 400,000 times?

Remember how like local split screen co-op does exist in the game engine… but… you can’t have it… for some reason?

Good times, good times.

You basically could not come up with a stupider way to try a design a complex piece of software if you tried.

But, retaining actually knowledgeable employees and their knowledge that their managers didn’t realize was important, well, that’d mean they get full benefits, and fuck that, so instead, lets double or triple development time (and cost) and release a half baked product.

Genius.