Within an hour of dropping my son off at junior kindergarten, I’m called to pick him up. The excitement of the first day of school quickly gives way to sadness and embarrassment. He was sitting on a chair in the office sucking his thumb while the secretary chastised him for misbehaving. I feel the need to chastise him, too; to signal we don’t condone whatever it is he did. But on the steps of the school after we leave the office, I kneel in front of him. I tell him he’s a wonderful boy. I promise him we’ll figure school out together.
It’s a promise I haven’t been able to keep.
My twin boys, now in Grade 5, have autism and complex needs. At one point, both of them were not attending school full-time because the public system does not support them.
These days, with one of my son’s schools, we’ve developed an “understanding.” I pick him up early. Sometimes earlier if I get the call. And I always get the call.
My body exists in a permanent state of readiness, waiting to be told my child is “having a hard day.” The euphemisms vary, but the message is always the same: get here. Every time I collect my boy, I see him as I did on that first day of JK: confused, overwhelmed, trying to comfort himself.
It’s a fucking shame and it’s getting worst
Even if schools want to do the good things (horizontale integrating all the actors in the life of kid) they don’t have the monetary support from their provincial gov to do so
I’ve work with at risk kids (8 to 12 years old) in schools and each year I’ve had to argue that if we called low income parents to came take their kids we only teaching the kids that if they make a rumble they’re exempt of school which they loved and we putting parents in unsustainable positions. Fucking people with doctorate in education and management didn’t understand this
I’m in the states, but it’s the same here. Success and thriving is the autistic kid not being disruptive to their classmates. So for now, our kid is homeschooled. We’re lucky enough to not have to expose him to being overwhelmed 40 hours a week. Maybe he’ll try again in a few years, but for now, stay at home mom is killing it.
Theres an impedance mismatch in expectations, I’m expecting my owed publicly provided education, but they are providing* trauma inducing childcare.
That said, I get it. The school departments aren’t set up or funded for individualized education plans, if they were we’d be in a much better position. They are setup for take care of the fat part of the curve of students, and identify and neutralize disruptions. If classes were closer to a 1 to 5 ratio, if teachers were given more control, it could be different. If educators got more than a handful of 1 hour seminars on sped needs, pda, sensory issues, they would certainly handle it better.
Holy shit, there’s a pull quote for ya! 😬