For chronological accuracy, I have been using the old name and gender when referring to a past, pre-transition person, and the new name and gender when referring to them generally.
But I had a realisation that this could be considered rude. I’d like to hear from some trans people on their opinion.
Use there proper name and pronouns regardless of what they had before. Simple. There’s no need to reference them before or after transitioning.
I admit I struggle with this. My son is trans and we’ve always supported him. The one part that’s hard is when I’m talking to friends about things when he was little. It just feels so strange to say “One time he was playing with his Barbies, and…” or whatever. And, when I’m talking about something and picturing him as I say it, it’s so easy to use the wrong pronoun, even when the story has no gender norms in it.
Thanks good answer. I’ll do this from now on.