vent
I’ve been kept up in my house and hardly talking to people IRL for months, I’ve gone to 1 bar all summer and didn’t even keep in contact with anyone I met. The only thing I do is work as a cashier but I hardly talk to customers anymore and when they do it’s just the same copy paste transaction all over again. I tried to use vrchat as a way to still somewhat be social for a number of months but then I got really stressed and quit it because I wasn’t actually making progress.
It’s been pretty bad lately. I can’t really sleep at night because my mind keeps me up and will drive me to tears if I’m not distracting it 24/7. The last 2 days have been awful, the night before last I ended up taking 100mg of melatonin to just get to bed, but was told not to do that by someone on lemmy so last night I stayed up till 4am just crying. I have other medicines called a “boost bar” thats supposed to help but they don’t really do much.
I hardly ate yesterday because I just didn’t see anything that looked appealing, I tried to go to the store to get something but I ended up just getting a snack and leaving because there were too many people and cried on the way home.
Now I’m sitting in my car outside of work crying yet again wondering how bad this shift is gonna be.
I suffered from “severe depression”, always felt like that was an incomplete diagnosis, and worked retail in my youth and it nearly drove me insane. It’s not that the job was difficult, it was just stressful seeing so many random people in the rough.
After that, I worked several different restaurant jobs. Those can be stressful but in a way that you don’t have time to think or worry about anything except getting these people satisfied with flavors and textures. Deliveries can be fun, if you are a good driver. Gave my brain that won’t shut up a job - it just has to be on high alert for the other maniacs driving, and bob along to techno music. 😆
Eventually found a job as a skilled tradesman dealing with computers and electronics, which was my personal side-study all along. Never got far in education after graduating high school but now have a proper career that is not the same motions every damn day.
I took Tai Chi and found out how to get my mind listening to my body and brain. I have zero spirituality, but this type of active meditation helped me!
Lemmy’s here if you need to chat. 😅
yeah I’m just kinda in my head a bit. I like my job, or at the least it’s descent enough that I am comfortable staying here. It’s only a few minutes from my house and there’s a couple different positions I can rotate though like cleaning or carts if I get too tired of customers.
I’d like to try a different job but I imagine I wouldn’t like it as much and would want to come back xD
Well, that’s good. I’m worried the bright lights of retail might be messing with your Circadian rhythm. See if you can reduce your blue light exposure in the evening to help with sleeping. “Night Light” setting on phone. Warm LED bulbs in the living area. It sounds dumb but your body should be producing its own melatonin on a schedule.
As far as I can tell, the supplements are holistic and unproven. Spend that money instead on things that make your sleeping area relaxing. I like a good buckwheat pillow and how it keeps my head cool. Little improvements are charms to keep anxiety and bad thoughts away from my home.
hell yeah