I propose a 3 State solution to the Israel / Palestine conflict.
Rather than implementing a two state solution where Israel coexists with Palestine, which we have seen they are incapable of doing, we should involve a third state. Namely, Utah.
It’s pretty simple, really and I don’t understand why no one has thought of it before.
Just move Israel to Utah. That’s it.
Why?
- The biggest issue here is that Israel would be homeless were it not for Palestinian land. This encroachment on Palestine is the reason for the bloodshed.
- It’s silly to act like there isn’t enough land for everyone when we’re not really using Utah.
- It would give the Palestinians their land back and end the bloodshed, allowing them to rebuild even bigger than before. Then maybe they could actually profit off of things like resorts and TGI Fridays
- The USA is a huge supporter of Israel and has been looking for a 51st state for some time now. Also since they’re cash rich from tarrifs and borrowing Venezuela, they could foot the bill and consider it an investment. The taxes would pay for itself in no time.
- Some believe Israel is a holy land promised to them by God. The same is true for Utah, and if you forget about the whole “who is the real Messiah” debate, they’re both talking about the same God.
- Both are kind of just shitty deserts
- Make SLC the next Tel Aviv / Silicon Valley
- The Great Salt Lake is every bit as cool as the Mediterranean and has just as rich of a history, if not more. The Miditerranean doesn’t even have Great in its name.
- Decrease terrorism in the Middle East while increasing tourism in the Southwest
- The Mormons are seriously so nice they would probably just give the Israelis their homes.
You can’t just float an actual viable solution as a shitpost.
How did you miss the Great Salt Lake / Dead Sea parallels???
am idiot
It would be perfect for them. We have so much empty space because we already finished our genocide!
Thos could prove to be a final solution to the mormon problem…
Makes sense. But is also a bit terrifying, especially for myself living in eastern Nevada as well as being a Native American. I have many concerns about this proposal…
Oh yeah, great idea. How are you going to stop them from “settling” in Colorado?
With the news of Utah planning to replace doctors with AI I feel Israelis and their LLM infrastructure would be more than welcome there.
You sonovabitch, I think you’re on to something
My ex-Mormon ass, cackling at how fitting this would be. Mormons are such Zion-boos, they even name their landmarks the same.
Of course, I think that the Dine-Bikeyah and their relations would be pretty pissed at dealing with even more violent colonizers showing up on their doorstep.
Didn’t Sheldon propose this in an episode of TBBT?
lmao did he?
I’ve only seen a handful of episodes. No original ideas anymore, I guess.
I was misremembering the location, he wanted it a bit further south: https://the-big-bang-theory.com/quotes/quote/1422/
There shoudnt be an israel anywhere. No one “deserves” to supplant a population and take their land. Zionists have no legitimate claim on anyone or anywhere. They should be treated like the racist murderers they are, and they should live quietly in fear of being discovered as monsters.
Here!? This is where you want to rest!? This is the single most dangerous place you could be situated! There are so many other places you could be, Israel, that would be safer and would cause less problems! Why here!?
Israel shouldn’t have to leave! Everyone else should have to leave! They’re the ones who are stupid!
Fr though, they’re there to act as the West’s forward base to advance into the rest of the Middle East, the US’s unsinkable aircraft carrier. If Israel did not exist, the United States would have to invent an Israel, to protect her interests in the region.
Fun facts about Mormonism no one ever talks about (not even the Jews, and Mormons themselves):
If you’re baptized Mormon, you’re are adopted into the house of Israel, thus becoming an “adopted” Jew. Organizations like the JDL are well aware of this Mormon belief, yet they don’t seem to care, or maybe they do but choose not to publicize it. For what reason?
Elohim is the name of the Mormon God, although his name is not to be uttered (oops!). The Jewish God bears the same name, amongst various other names, depending on which Rabbi’s argument is presented.
Mormons believe in the city of Zion, as the New Jerusalem, to established on the American continent before near the time of the new mellenium. It’s both a literal and figurative belief.
Related note: Utah is home to the largest NSA data center, where a lot of Mormons get hired to work there. On google maps, they changed the name “NSA Data Center” to “Utah Data Center”. Check out the Google reviews for some insight on what the locals think about that place.
Elohim is the name of the Mormon God, although his name is not to be uttered (oops!). The Jewish God bears the same name, amongst various other names, depending on which Rabbi’s argument is presented.
El was head of multitheist pantheon of all Levant tribes. Elohim just means El the greatest. Allah is the same reference. Abraham would name his children IsraELites. Moses, the foundation of Zionism, would later declare that there is no god above Yahweh (one of El’s minor sons charged with small Iraelite tribe affairs) with orders to go conquer all who disapprove of Moses killing them. The entire basis of monotheism is a song by King David’s (non priest) musical director where Yahweh sentences to death all of the other gods. Though the incohrence of most not believing turns into his mother Asherah to become his wife, and then stories of Yahweh’s resentment of shrines to his mother/wife.
Elohim vs Yahweh to Jews is a point of confusion, but reconciled to manufacture coherence for Jews as the same God that Christianity/Romans also adopted. Jesus’s heavenly father, and general humanist principles, suited El over Yahweh (warmongering genocide) as a descriptor. So, a problem with our religious order is taking the same chosen people Yahweist Moses, and declaring new chosen people based on victories and destruction of Israelite temples, or later manifest destiny fabrications.
Yahweh is at best an extremely impotent god. Moses/exodus claims that Yahweh lied to Abraham to pretend to be El. The only possible timeline of Noah is 6100BC, and then having any traceable lineage from Noah to Abraham can’t be that long. Moses is 1600 BC, and eventual 1010BC King David, ruled over a small shithole of Jerusalem/Judah, and paid tribute (biblical confirmation) to Philisitines that were the ones who actually drove Egypt out of Judah. So an all powerful god that predetermines all outcomes, is just a pathethic loser that led Israelites to declare their empire of shit under vassal control of Philistines, after 5000 years, to be a crown achievement of that all powerful god.
Additionally:
Utah is not significant to the religion, it was just far enough away from the established US government to stop being persecuted long enough for them to drop polygamy.
The actual holy land is Missouri, which is the location of the Garden of Eden.
The actual holy land is Missouri
in fact, the merger of the two great religions has already happened there… in springfield.
cabela’s and bass pro shops.
What is it with “chosen people” religions literally choosing the shitiest places on earth to be their “new Eden”
It’s either, desert,desert, armpit of America, etc. like, has anyone looked at like Hawaii or Cabo and went, “damn this place is nice, this is almost like it could be the garden of Eden!” No they are like. “Look! Sand and bugs! Must be heaven!”
It’s because these aren’t actually “holy” places, they’re just places where they can hide their cults while avoiding law and taxes. Abusers have more power when they can isolate their victims.
Sir, this is a shitpost community.
~though i agree with you 1000%~
Elohim is the name of the Mormon God, although his name is not to be uttered (oops!). The Jewish God bears the same name, amongst various other names, depending on which Rabbi’s argument is presented.
If I recall correctly, the Jewish god’s name will change to Elohim once the Messiah arrives. Mormons believe that the Messiah already arrived in Missouri, so they call him Elohim, but to Jews he’s still Yahweh.
Brigham Young was right all along about “Zion”. 😂
Even the most brutally militaristic occupiers and genociders should feel right at home. US does their war crimes in other countries, just like Israel
