Thank you, it’s an important distinction to make. I also had a very emotionally and mentally abusive girlfriend who used threats of suicide and making me watch herself self harm were used as tactics of control.
You’re right of course, the massive amount of misogyny in society doesn’t mean that abuse from women doesn’t happen, of course it does. However sadly, it happens at far lower rates and/or because often, like in my case, the kind of abuse they do isn’t necessarily visibly as scars, only as mental scars, it also gets less attention and understanding.
It’s the same with almost all violence and horror. Yes, women do it too, for sure. However, men do it at such high rates in comparison (there can be debate on why) that it cannot be ignored or minimized, even for those who have been abused by women.
Abuse in general is terrible, as I’m sure we can all agree. It doesn’t mean that I’m way more likely to be killed by a woman as a trans woman, nope, my biggest fear is straight cisgender men, and the statistics bear it out.
Note: when I say “woman” here I’m obviously referring to all of us, that’s how much more violence comes from straight cisgender men, it just dwarfs any and all other categories.
100% this. I think this is why I’m always feeling a bit icky about the phrase “Not all men, but always a man” (and my feelings on the phrase isn’t a judgement on anyone that’s used it)…
I can see where it came from, as a counter to the “Not all men” folk shouting over the abused, but the "always a man" part, “always” being the issue, I fear may accidentally give a smokescreen for other abusers from other groups to hide behind, and I’d rather they also be pointed at and shamed regardless of the group they belong to (hell, just throw “mostly” infront of “always” and it solves the issue for me).
I’ve been inappropriately touched by a woman (thankfully only happened once) as well another time with a dude customer who groped me in full display while I was cleaning a table while I was at work only, for the woman in his group to tell me to stop overreacting and “he’s just being nice” (of course, he was the physical abuser, but I still see her as actively complicit). It just kinda worries me when someone accidentally gives a blanket defense to non-men abusers with the phrase…
That being said, just so there’s no confusion for others, it’s still obviously correct to highlight that the majority of abuse does usually come from cis straight men and I’m not against pointing that out in the slightest ❤️ I still feel way more wary around men I don’t know than anyone else, which is unfortunate but due to past experiences…
It’s just that one word in the phrase because of it possibly obscuring the bad actors in any other group.
If anyone reading has suffered abuse (be you man, woman, enby etc), I’ll wholeheartedly stand with regardless of who it was that did the abuse.
Thank you, it’s an important distinction to make. I also had a very emotionally and mentally abusive girlfriend who used threats of suicide and making me watch herself self harm were used as tactics of control.
You’re right of course, the massive amount of misogyny in society doesn’t mean that abuse from women doesn’t happen, of course it does. However sadly, it happens at far lower rates and/or because often, like in my case, the kind of abuse they do isn’t necessarily visibly as scars, only as mental scars, it also gets less attention and understanding.
It’s the same with almost all violence and horror. Yes, women do it too, for sure. However, men do it at such high rates in comparison (there can be debate on why) that it cannot be ignored or minimized, even for those who have been abused by women.
Abuse in general is terrible, as I’m sure we can all agree. It doesn’t mean that I’m way more likely to be killed by a woman as a trans woman, nope, my biggest fear is straight cisgender men, and the statistics bear it out.
Note: when I say “woman” here I’m obviously referring to all of us, that’s how much more violence comes from straight cisgender men, it just dwarfs any and all other categories.
100% this. I think this is why I’m always feeling a bit icky about the phrase “Not all men, but always a man” (and my feelings on the phrase isn’t a judgement on anyone that’s used it)…
I can see where it came from, as a counter to the “Not all men” folk shouting over the abused, but the "always a man" part, “always” being the issue, I fear may accidentally give a smokescreen for other abusers from other groups to hide behind, and I’d rather they also be pointed at and shamed regardless of the group they belong to (hell, just throw “mostly” infront of “always” and it solves the issue for me). I’ve been inappropriately touched by a woman (thankfully only happened once) as well another time with a dude customer who groped me in full display while I was cleaning a table while I was at work only, for the woman in his group to tell me to stop overreacting and “he’s just being nice” (of course, he was the physical abuser, but I still see her as actively complicit). It just kinda worries me when someone accidentally gives a blanket defense to non-men abusers with the phrase…
That being said, just so there’s no confusion for others, it’s still obviously correct to highlight that the majority of abuse does usually come from cis straight men and I’m not against pointing that out in the slightest ❤️ I still feel way more wary around men I don’t know than anyone else, which is unfortunate but due to past experiences… It’s just that one word in the phrase because of it possibly obscuring the bad actors in any other group. If anyone reading has suffered abuse (be you man, woman, enby etc), I’ll wholeheartedly stand with regardless of who it was that did the abuse.