Guess what? People go to bathrooms to use the toilet, fix their makeup, fix their hair or just be alone. Normal human things like that, not to cause anyone any trouble…

  • captainlezbian@lemmy.worldEnglish
    23·
    1 day ago

    You always need a few women at the bar that understand the importance of being the mom, and once I left my “drunken shitshow” stage that I was in early in transition I started leaning into the bar mom role when it’s needed. Someone’s gotta keep an eye on the wasted girl’s drink. Someone’s gotta offer a hand. And sometimes someone’s gotta distract the way too drunk girl while someone else pours out her drink because she probably shouldn’t have been served that one. Someone’s gotta listen to the girl going through some shit, because the booze won’t help, but community can (though be aware some of these people have way too big of issues and will try to latch on in a destructive way, learn to establish and maintain boundaries).

    I don’t do it that often, because the gay bars I go to don’t need it that much, but I take pride in the fact that I do it. And baby trans folks especially need someone like that.

      • captainlezbian@lemmy.worldEnglish
        2·
        5 hours ago

        Thanks, it’s a role I naturally fell into over the years, lol

        And for anyone who may need a bar mom, especially if you’ve found yourself too drunk, unable to get someone to stop hitting on you, or just in over your head in some way you can come ask for help. If you’re in a position to be choosy you’re looking for someone who:

        • seems confident - though a baseline awkwardness is fine, but you want someone comfortable in the environment
        • ideally is talking to people - higher odds someone knows how to help, also more hands, but also this means she’s being social, which indicates community focus
        • ideally isn’t too drunk - the wasted helping each other into cabs is adorable, but higher risk, and if you’re taking transit home…
        • ideally is late 20s or older - we’ve got experience and have often been there done that
        • isn’t currently hitting on someone - me and a woman I was hitting on have teamed up to help a drunk girl before, but flirtatious tunnel vision is real, and also you don’t want to accidentally hand yourself up to someone who might have less than wholesome intentions
        • If you’re transfem look for someone who might be transfem and well into her transition, or a group with some of us there

        If you aren’t able to judge by those things, just reach out to someone. I’ll also add to not be scared away by someone looking scary/tough/alt. Mom aesthetics are real and awesome, but don’t be afraid to ask for help from the 30 something punk, the chick wearing leather to a gay bar, the elder goth, or whoever else, a lot of us have been the irresponsible drunk girl. A lot of us want everyone to get home safe.

        Also if people keep asking if you’re ok, sip on a water for a bit or make your next beer/cocktail NA/virgin, it’ll make people less worried and it’ll probably make you less awful in the morning.

        Well that got away from me, but yeah, other drug use communities have lots of stuff like this for safer drug use and I think it’s important we also have such conversations for bars and alcohol.