I know it’s a joke, but I did not find it worth worrying about lactose. I mainly had problems with it when eating cereal or drinking chocolate milk. And for both of those, oat milk is absolutely fine, since you probably have oats in your cereal anyways and some of the premixed chocolate oat milks you can find in stores are IMHO nicer than the cow milk ones.

And even with yoghurts, I can get a decent selection of vegan ones that taste virtually indistinguishable.

So, I guess, I tolerate lactose so long as I do not have to talk to it. 🙃

The first step to wisdom is understanding that a man has a choice to tolerate lactose or not independently of his intestines opinion.

I guess the second step is a fast one, on the direction of the closest restroom.

Ask not for whom the toot toots. It toots for thee.