Having seen mutually abusive relationships I think it’s far more complicated than it may initially feel like. It’s less “abusers wind up with abusers” and more that people whose understanding of love is abuse wind up together because healthy relationships feel wrong or nobody else will put up with them. But whether or not that happens, mutually destructive behaviors compound. When you can’t get a word in edgewise you may start to raise tour voice. When you get hit you may start to emotionally manipulate your partner. When you get emotionally manipulated you may escalate. It becomes an oroboros of unhealthy behaviors.

None of this makes the victims not victims. It also doesn’t mean it’s all people or that these people can’t change after leaving. This cycle needs to be broken when it manifests, and it needs to happen before someone dies.