38 today, had depression since I was 8. Just last month we removed Massive Depressive, from my chart for the first time ever.
Lots of work. Removing people who are bad from me, adding in people who know how to love, and 6 years of weekly therapy. No meds for me, just introspection and… therapy.
Time heals all wounds. But you do have to stop picking at the scabs.
Get a gf. She says “good morning <3”. You feel like shit, so let her know. “<3 you too. Rough start. Hope your day is going better.” You might be surprised what you get back.
It’s funny, there was another thread a while back about a girl who meets a guy and clicks. They hook up. She keeps trying to be sweet to him and he ghosts her. So she goes into her own depressive spiral because she assumes she’s the one who isn’t enough.
Other people have shitty days too. Other people are going through what you’re going through. Other people will understand. Reach out, speak your truth, and if that chemistry you had at the beginning meant anything it’ll mean they’re sympathetic to your plight.
And then go do some fun shit together. FFS, it’s a nice time to be alive. Get some sun, eat some food, suck in some fresh air, and hold hands. See if that doesn’t put you in a better mood. Sometimes it really is just a bad start to a normal day.
Nobody is coming to save you. You have to save yourself.
Many people spend their entire lives waiting to be saved. Just like they piss away their money gambling and drinking and wondering why they are poor, rather than saving their money and building a nest egg.
28 year old here, depressed since 14, nearly kms at 18 and then stayed suicidal till 26.
It do get better. I got a job, bought a house, got a gf, started practicing hobbies, socializing more and working on self discipline (But not self degradation)
Now instead of being consistently 2-3/10 I’m about 5.5/10. Still not a full blown optimist but I don’t want to die anymore.
I’ve experienced symptoms of depression for as long as I can remember. Over the years I tried a lot of different treatments, medication, therapy, etc. None of it ever worked.
I lost a lot of jobs and friendships because I simply didn’t have the energy to do the bare minimum. I divorced the love of my life in part because I could see how much my chronic illness was weighing on them.
I was never suicidal but I’ve frequently wished I was because that at least would provide me with an option to stop the unending apathy.
There’s never going to be a point in my life when I’m not depressed. I’m gonna have to be very disciplined and work hard to maintain a level of functioning that I consider suboptimal. Mistakes made when trying to judge how much energy something will take or those unavoidable times where you simply need to push yourself more than is comfortable will be setback that could take days or weeks to recover from.
But I have reached a point in which I’m content a lot more. I have a partner that loves me and they’re great. I’m a more-or-less reliable member of a local anarchist collective and people appreciate me and come to me for advice. They’re respectful of my limitations. I’ve been reading more and trying new hobbies. There’s people who love me and I love them.
I can look at a sunset and appreciate its beauty. Yesterday I was singing along with some punk rock while driving and kinda enjoyed it. I baked cookies to share with people and I look forward to handing them out. I found an empty snail shell on the street and it was pretty enough to make me smile.
Is my life amazing? No. Do I have to work very hard and be very disciplined to achieve what most people seem to have naturally? Yes. Have I reached the point where I think that work and discipline is worth it more often than not? Definitely.
The best advice I can give you is to do things anyway. Seek out things that are, at least in theory, fun or enjoyable. If there’s something you’d like to try out but it feels scary or not worth doing, try do it anyway. Look for what makes it easier.
Imagine the coolest possible future version of yourself. Try to take small steps to move in that direction. For me that was things like painting my nails, going to Pride, joining a protested, learning to wield a sword… For my partner this was dying their hair, going out to party, learning to make fire… However it looks to you: try to do it.
First off, thank you. I appreciate you taking the time to respond. I have been reading more. I never touched a book after high school but recently went back to reading. I love horror and thriller novels. I never thought a book could be scarier than a video game.
Do I have to work very hard and be very disciplined to achieve what most people seem to have naturally? Yes.
This was always something I struggled with.
I sometimes wonder If I had everything I ever wanted would I actually be happy? It’s like Spock said “After a time, you may find that having is not so pleasing a thing after all as wanting. It is not logical, but is often true.” I think I’d still find something to be sad about.
Painting you nails is cool. I started doing that. I love the complements I’ve been getting. Making fire is fun too.
It’s something I still struggle with. I’m getting better at accepting I’m tired almost all the time, but everything else I, much harder to accept.
I know fairness is irrelevant for this, but it just doesn’t feel right that I have carefully plan my most meaningful activies because I’ll be emotionless for two weeks if I do two protests in one week. Or that a date night could be ruined by an unexpected depressive period.
I sometimes wonder If I had everything I ever wanted would I actually be happy?
Happiness isn’t about having things, I think. Of course being in a situation in which you have your needs met helps. Financial security, a partner, housing, food, friends, etc. make it way easier.
But most of the moments in which I was “happiest” weren’t about “having” or the fulfilment of a specific desire. They were much more about experiencing community and feeling like I had agency.
So… Depends. My whole life was just either being alone or in short relationships, one night stands and just fwb. I was quite happy with that, because i knew that i would lose interest almost immediately. I always felt bad for it, because it sucks, especially if the other person doesn’t feel that way. Thanks to tinder and other shitty dating apps, it wasn’t that big of a deal, because it’s easier to find someone and communicate expectations and so on. I was convinced that i’ll never have a “real” girlfriend. I was even convinced that love isn’t real. I have never told a girl or woman that i love them, i thought other people would just fake love, because they found someone they like and rather have that than being alone.
So now, almost 6 months ago, i met this woman on tinder. She wasn’t looking for anything serious, and neither was i. We hit it off immediately and we met up shortly after. I wasn’t sure if she liked me, but she was really nice and funny and just absolutely stunning, and way too smart for me. But we met again and again. When we met for the third time, we were in bed and we talked for hours, and i asked her if she knew that i loved her. And she said she loves me too. She told me how she was never truly happy with anyone, and was always rather alone. But she loves me, and always wants to spend time with me. And i feel the same way. She’s the first person i have ever met that i want to spend as much time with as i can. We plan on getting married, which if someone told me that 6 months ago, i would literally point and laugh at them for hours. The mere thought of getting married was bizarre to me, unthinkable. Only idiots do that. But here we are now.
Honestly? It depends. You can make it better, if you try or make it worse if you don’t. This sounds like they were not “lonely” that was just something they could blame it on.
Go do something. It doesn’t really matter what. Exercise, join a rpg group, join a maker space, move to a new city, change jobs, join a group about off roading. It doesn’t matter, learn to cook, learn to bake. Just do something.
Laying in bed or staring at a monitor/TV won’t help. Most people will get into a mental loop of how they are bad because they don’t have any real comparisons of real people. You may make mistakes but you will see other people make mistakes too.
Regarding relationships I love the quote from Jimmy Carr (yes he has dark humor and often is offensive) “don’t think what you can get, think what you can provide”.
Dear, older people of Lemmy, does it ever get better?
For me it did.
38 today, had depression since I was 8. Just last month we removed Massive Depressive, from my chart for the first time ever.
Lots of work. Removing people who are bad from me, adding in people who know how to love, and 6 years of weekly therapy. No meds for me, just introspection and… therapy.
Time heals all wounds. But you do have to stop picking at the scabs.
Get a gf. She says “good morning <3”. You feel like shit, so let her know. “<3 you too. Rough start. Hope your day is going better.” You might be surprised what you get back.
It’s funny, there was another thread a while back about a girl who meets a guy and clicks. They hook up. She keeps trying to be sweet to him and he ghosts her. So she goes into her own depressive spiral because she assumes she’s the one who isn’t enough.
Other people have shitty days too. Other people are going through what you’re going through. Other people will understand. Reach out, speak your truth, and if that chemistry you had at the beginning meant anything it’ll mean they’re sympathetic to your plight.
And then go do some fun shit together. FFS, it’s a nice time to be alive. Get some sun, eat some food, suck in some fresh air, and hold hands. See if that doesn’t put you in a better mood. Sometimes it really is just a bad start to a normal day.
Nope.
Nothing gets better until you make it better.
Nobody is coming to save you. You have to save yourself.
Many people spend their entire lives waiting to be saved. Just like they piss away their money gambling and drinking and wondering why they are poor, rather than saving their money and building a nest egg.
Stop waiting, start taking charge of your life.
28 year old here, depressed since 14, nearly kms at 18 and then stayed suicidal till 26.
It do get better. I got a job, bought a house, got a gf, started practicing hobbies, socializing more and working on self discipline (But not self degradation)
Now instead of being consistently 2-3/10 I’m about 5.5/10. Still not a full blown optimist but I don’t want to die anymore.
It does. But you have to put in the work. You have to try.
It does.
I’ve experienced symptoms of depression for as long as I can remember. Over the years I tried a lot of different treatments, medication, therapy, etc. None of it ever worked.
I lost a lot of jobs and friendships because I simply didn’t have the energy to do the bare minimum. I divorced the love of my life in part because I could see how much my chronic illness was weighing on them.
I was never suicidal but I’ve frequently wished I was because that at least would provide me with an option to stop the unending apathy.
There’s never going to be a point in my life when I’m not depressed. I’m gonna have to be very disciplined and work hard to maintain a level of functioning that I consider suboptimal. Mistakes made when trying to judge how much energy something will take or those unavoidable times where you simply need to push yourself more than is comfortable will be setback that could take days or weeks to recover from.
But I have reached a point in which I’m content a lot more. I have a partner that loves me and they’re great. I’m a more-or-less reliable member of a local anarchist collective and people appreciate me and come to me for advice. They’re respectful of my limitations. I’ve been reading more and trying new hobbies. There’s people who love me and I love them.
I can look at a sunset and appreciate its beauty. Yesterday I was singing along with some punk rock while driving and kinda enjoyed it. I baked cookies to share with people and I look forward to handing them out. I found an empty snail shell on the street and it was pretty enough to make me smile.
Is my life amazing? No. Do I have to work very hard and be very disciplined to achieve what most people seem to have naturally? Yes. Have I reached the point where I think that work and discipline is worth it more often than not? Definitely.
The best advice I can give you is to do things anyway. Seek out things that are, at least in theory, fun or enjoyable. If there’s something you’d like to try out but it feels scary or not worth doing, try do it anyway. Look for what makes it easier.
Imagine the coolest possible future version of yourself. Try to take small steps to move in that direction. For me that was things like painting my nails, going to Pride, joining a protested, learning to wield a sword… For my partner this was dying their hair, going out to party, learning to make fire… However it looks to you: try to do it.
First off, thank you. I appreciate you taking the time to respond. I have been reading more. I never touched a book after high school but recently went back to reading. I love horror and thriller novels. I never thought a book could be scarier than a video game.
This was always something I struggled with.
I sometimes wonder If I had everything I ever wanted would I actually be happy? It’s like Spock said “After a time, you may find that having is not so pleasing a thing after all as wanting. It is not logical, but is often true.” I think I’d still find something to be sad about.
Painting you nails is cool. I started doing that. I love the complements I’ve been getting. Making fire is fun too.
It’s something I still struggle with. I’m getting better at accepting I’m tired almost all the time, but everything else I, much harder to accept.
I know fairness is irrelevant for this, but it just doesn’t feel right that I have carefully plan my most meaningful activies because I’ll be emotionless for two weeks if I do two protests in one week. Or that a date night could be ruined by an unexpected depressive period.
Happiness isn’t about having things, I think. Of course being in a situation in which you have your needs met helps. Financial security, a partner, housing, food, friends, etc. make it way easier.
But most of the moments in which I was “happiest” weren’t about “having” or the fulfilment of a specific desire. They were much more about experiencing community and feeling like I had agency.
It does. Unfortunately, it requires a great deal of honest introspection and tough decisions.
Middle aged here. It does not.
So… Depends. My whole life was just either being alone or in short relationships, one night stands and just fwb. I was quite happy with that, because i knew that i would lose interest almost immediately. I always felt bad for it, because it sucks, especially if the other person doesn’t feel that way. Thanks to tinder and other shitty dating apps, it wasn’t that big of a deal, because it’s easier to find someone and communicate expectations and so on. I was convinced that i’ll never have a “real” girlfriend. I was even convinced that love isn’t real. I have never told a girl or woman that i love them, i thought other people would just fake love, because they found someone they like and rather have that than being alone.
So now, almost 6 months ago, i met this woman on tinder. She wasn’t looking for anything serious, and neither was i. We hit it off immediately and we met up shortly after. I wasn’t sure if she liked me, but she was really nice and funny and just absolutely stunning, and way too smart for me. But we met again and again. When we met for the third time, we were in bed and we talked for hours, and i asked her if she knew that i loved her. And she said she loves me too. She told me how she was never truly happy with anyone, and was always rather alone. But she loves me, and always wants to spend time with me. And i feel the same way. She’s the first person i have ever met that i want to spend as much time with as i can. We plan on getting married, which if someone told me that 6 months ago, i would literally point and laugh at them for hours. The mere thought of getting married was bizarre to me, unthinkable. Only idiots do that. But here we are now.
Honestly? It depends. You can make it better, if you try or make it worse if you don’t. This sounds like they were not “lonely” that was just something they could blame it on.
Go do something. It doesn’t really matter what. Exercise, join a rpg group, join a maker space, move to a new city, change jobs, join a group about off roading. It doesn’t matter, learn to cook, learn to bake. Just do something.
Laying in bed or staring at a monitor/TV won’t help. Most people will get into a mental loop of how they are bad because they don’t have any real comparisons of real people. You may make mistakes but you will see other people make mistakes too.
Regarding relationships I love the quote from Jimmy Carr (yes he has dark humor and often is offensive) “don’t think what you can get, think what you can provide”.
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