I had to go find that onion post. Most of it is funny stuff about wanting prices to be higher for no particular reason, but this got me at the end:
"I figure anyone who sells oil knows better than I do what to do with my money. As my grandmother used to say, the higher the gas price, the closer to God.”
The absurdity is still there, yeah, but it’s just too close to reality. I’m an old white guy born in the Trumpian Farmlands of Pennsyltucky, and it shook me a bit. That first line especially… They wouldn’t say it out loud because they have to maintain the iamverybadass facade, but they live to be a cog in the machine, to serve the higher life form that will be their salvation. It’s almost like their god, their cult leader, and their president can be the same person. And that’s before we address the part where they chose one of the worst humans possible.
Unfortunately if there is any difference between these two takes it’s that the real-life person says the quiet part out loud.
Religious freaks are predisposed to believe the most outlandish nonsense, so they’re the perfect target for political indoctrination. If they can believe in imaginary friends to the point of tithing to them, they’ll do that with a real life guy who promises to protect them from evil, just like Jesus.
The onion of prophecy they really need to start riffing on this maybe hint their parent company is the front for a cult or something idk
Completely different headlines and trust me I’m not defending trump.
They have slightly different words, but they mean the same thing.
The current US happenings have made The Onion’s job impossible
Lately it feels like they’ve taken reality as a challenge and are trying harder to capture the feeling.
