Transcript

8 panel comic

Panel 1: Yellow guy is working on a laptop in the background. In the foreground is a Brand Manager. Yellow Guy: “Sir, shall I put up our rainbow profile picture?”

Panel 2: Brand Manger snaps his head round and hisses “Cool your jets, Eugene. I’m checking the Profitometer”

Panel 3: Gonna do my best to explain this. We see The Profitometer. A huge machine that whirs and ticks. A digital display at the top of the machine reads “Supporting Pride equals”Beneath this display is a huge gauge with “Max Loss” on the left and “Max profit” on the right. There is a needle that is pointing exactly half way between the two extremes.

Panel 4: Close up on Brand Manager’s face. His teeth are gritted. Sweat trickles down his brow.

Panel 5: Close up on gauge. The needle remains exactly central

Panel 6: Close up on Brand Manager’s eyes. They are concentrating intensely. Also, more sweat.

Panel 7: Close up on the gauge. The needle clicks ONE DEGREE towards profit

Panel 8: Brand Manager screams like a football coach “GO GAY EUGENE”

Source

  • IninewCrow@lemmy.caEnglish
    79·
    1 day ago

    The same meter is used for every decision …

    • show gay pride flag
    • show pink ribbon
    • show black ribbon
    • pizza party Friday
    • use more AI
    • throw children in boiling oil
    • use more solar
    • use more green energy
    • supporting Nazism
    • replace lead paint in offices
    • raise worker pay
    • apply more OSHA regulations and keep workers safe
    • destroy all life everywhere
    • bean bag chairs
    • ping pong tables in workplace

    … and depending on whether or not anything will throw the meter to Maximum profit or Maximum loss, the company, the CEO and the board will get behind anything, as long as it means more money for them.

    The second coming of Christ could arrive tomorrow and if supporting Satan to battle against the Son of God meant more profit for the company, the company would throw all their support behind the Dark Prince and they would all hail Satan, regardless of how Christian they might have been beforehand!

    • Lovable Sidekick@lemmy.worldEnglish
      6·
      1 day ago

      Wait wait wait tho! I base all my buying decisions on the frequency of company pizza parties and interdepartmental pingpong tournaments. Don’t disillusion my activism!!!