yea, i got that. it has to be sharp and sudden pain. all that talk of using cold to safely manage is complete utter bullshit. recently i used a hammer to hit the space between the bones in my fore arm, and that straightened me out incredibly quick, but man the recovery from that sucked. i usually slam my fists against my steel desk, but my hands are always creaky now.
i should sleep but i cant. i should do things that i enjoy, but doing them is not joyful, and that makes me compound the frustration and the anger. the weekends are dangerous. holidays more so. my work has mandated time off because i don’t take pto. so in three month i will have to face the prospect of 20 days off
You’ll get a similar natural adrenaline / endorphin speedball with much less lasting harm to your body if you run or do jumping jacks for five minutes.
It’s difficult, I’m not going to lie. You can try looking for someone who does DBT, that’s where I found someone to help me.
DBT is good for getting to grips with the anger and urges.
But I hear you. I now live in a place where no one gives a fuck about you and I’ve not found a therapist who is competent or even pretends to give a fuck about you. So I’ve just given up.
yea, i got that. it has to be sharp and sudden pain. all that talk of using cold to safely manage is complete utter bullshit. recently i used a hammer to hit the space between the bones in my fore arm, and that straightened me out incredibly quick, but man the recovery from that sucked. i usually slam my fists against my steel desk, but my hands are always creaky now.
i should sleep but i cant. i should do things that i enjoy, but doing them is not joyful, and that makes me compound the frustration and the anger. the weekends are dangerous. holidays more so. my work has mandated time off because i don’t take pto. so in three month i will have to face the prospect of 20 days off
You’ll get a similar natural adrenaline / endorphin speedball with much less lasting harm to your body if you run or do jumping jacks for five minutes.
You sound a bit like me a few years ago. Chronic loneliness and BPD was awful.
You should try see if you can get a decent therapist. Even if it’s just online in a different country.
i tried doing that (findinga therapist) when i had the energy a couple days ago. i walked away from that failure with new levels of frustration.
i have learned that any efforts to improve my situation is paid back two fold in depression and urges. the harder i try the worse it gets
It’s difficult, I’m not going to lie. You can try looking for someone who does DBT, that’s where I found someone to help me. DBT is good for getting to grips with the anger and urges.
But I hear you. I now live in a place where no one gives a fuck about you and I’ve not found a therapist who is competent or even pretends to give a fuck about you. So I’ve just given up.
😶