As a child I was suspicious of death. What is it? One moment you’re alive and the next you’re not. I reasoned that it must be a state of non-existence, just as was my state before my birth. I could not know that though. One moment I’m not alive and the next I am. As far as I knew one person died and another was born. If I were to die I might just be born again somewhere else. I was horrified: we’re trapped. I never wanted to be alive. I am compelled to be. I do feel trapped. I’m plagued by procrastination in every aspect of my life. If I could choose I would choose to have never existed. I see life as a mistake.
Abstract absurdities such as Buddhism (below commentator mentioned it) have taken on a different quality as I age. I would have mocked such absurdity as a child–and I was often confused about people’s fascination with fantasy (religions)–but time has given it a context. Life’s absurd and if everything’s absurd nothing is.
I would embrace death if I could get their fast, without this body refusing so completely. I think it’s a fact that there’s more suffering than pleasure in all aspects of life.
Everything I perceive is full of contradictions: if you were to love a partner you’d never wish childbirth upon them; to force pain upon them willingly and to put them at risk of death itself during childbirth. Every child is a mistake.
I feel there’s two-parts to us. One that has a type of abstract logic and the other that has a real logic. They’re at constant odds with each other. Some people are controlled more by one than the other, but no one is content in any capacity.
Because it’s such a taboo topic I have no grounded reference, but I do wonder if everyone would rather not have existed.
As a child I was suspicious of death. What is it? One moment you’re alive and the next you’re not. I reasoned that it must be a state of non-existence, just as was my state before my birth. I could not know that though. One moment I’m not alive and the next I am. As far as I knew one person died and another was born. If I were to die I might just be born again somewhere else. I was horrified: we’re trapped. I never wanted to be alive. I am compelled to be. I do feel trapped. I’m plagued by procrastination in every aspect of my life. If I could choose I would choose to have never existed. I see life as a mistake.
Abstract absurdities such as Buddhism (below commentator mentioned it) have taken on a different quality as I age. I would have mocked such absurdity as a child–and I was often confused about people’s fascination with fantasy (religions)–but time has given it a context. Life’s absurd and if everything’s absurd nothing is.
I would embrace death if I could get their fast, without this body refusing so completely. I think it’s a fact that there’s more suffering than pleasure in all aspects of life.
Everything I perceive is full of contradictions: if you were to love a partner you’d never wish childbirth upon them; to force pain upon them willingly and to put them at risk of death itself during childbirth. Every child is a mistake.
I feel there’s two-parts to us. One that has a type of abstract logic and the other that has a real logic. They’re at constant odds with each other. Some people are controlled more by one than the other, but no one is content in any capacity.
Because it’s such a taboo topic I have no grounded reference, but I do wonder if everyone would rather not have existed.