• Maya S. Trojan@piefed.blahaj.zoneEnglish
    3·
    8 hours ago

    First half is true, second half…

    Oh no, I only wish. I short circuit and get depressed, feeling like people are lying to me and only being nice to me to get me to shut up and go away. It’s something I’ve been working on for a while now, even accepting simple compliments without minimizing them or acting like the person who is giving the compliment doesn’t know enough about me to make that judgment and therefore they’re wrong. I really hate it, honestly. Because my crooked mind thinks “oh you’re just being humble and realistic” when I’m actually actively tearing down positive thoughts about myself. This is a thing that is irrespective of my gender, it’s just a “me” problem in general.

  • Flukeyfox@lemmy.blahaj.zoneEnglish
    2·
    8 hours ago

    Goddd yes I wasn’t “straight As” but still passed majority of my school subject grades and did get full marks on my uni degrees, but I had kinda just… Floated through the entire segment of my life? “Disassociated” definitely works here. It was only after I had finished education entirely, finally got medicated to solve the constant ADHD noise, that the burnout kicked in. Still going through it tbh. But it also gave way for me to properly learn to accept myself and everything I had suppressed. Started playing with my appearance more, stopped worrying about what others think (well… sort of… I’m working on it still) and ultimately am happier with myself for it. I look at past photos of me, and my ID and see how miserable I looked and know that I need to get it updated and it would look so much less… empty in the eyes.

    Positive praise and such I do love - but I’ve found I can’t properly express it outwardly in the moment? I think that’s to do with past stuff and still unravelling the emotional web that I used to suppress myself, and it’s roots… but we’re making progress slowly :3

    • natebluehooves@pawb.socialEnglish
      5·
      13 hours ago

      SAME. pretty sure it was the parental abuse on my end. praise is just how you prepare someone to feel the need to give you something in return. it’s not genuine.

  • schildfrosch@feddit.orgEnglish
    3·
    14 hours ago

    just found out the reason i’m still a guy is because i was shit at school. and also loud mouthed af. there are many reasons, now that i think about it

    edit: i definitely was still good at dissociating. like almost ego-death levels of dissociating.