Well, I didn’t give them any way to find her online accounts. Her digital identity is safe, I needed to do this to protect the person behind. And they need to know the name and whether she’s at home to do their job…
That’s true but police being mean is rather rare here, plus they’d use her legal, female name. It was a reality check that her thoughts may have IRL consequences but I feel she needed it then… I think it’s appropriate if the alternative is a high suicide risk.
She does know my real full name since we met and I told her the village even earlier. (In fact, unlike her, who lives in a generic block of flats, the peculiarities of my family’s house from pictures I sent her, and other public info can help her find my exact address while I can’t find hers.) I did it to make her feel like she can trust me, and level the information playing field. I’m sorry to have breached the trust but it felt like the right thing to do.
I wish I could be a better friend but we’ve both socialized so little in our formative years (plus I’m neurodivergent and she’s socially anxious) that we’re fumbling through basics of what a relationship means… I’ve been putting women on a pedestal, for example. Is the “magical girl” analogy I use for trans women part of this? Maybe…
Well, I didn’t give them any way to find her online accounts. Her digital identity is safe, I needed to do this to protect the person behind. And they need to know the name and whether she’s at home to do their job…
It was probably scary for her to know that you gave the police that information.
That’s true but police being mean is rather rare here, plus they’d use her legal, female name. It was a reality check that her thoughts may have IRL consequences but I feel she needed it then… I think it’s appropriate if the alternative is a high suicide risk.
She does know my real full name since we met and I told her the village even earlier. (In fact, unlike her, who lives in a generic block of flats, the peculiarities of my family’s house from pictures I sent her, and other public info can help her find my exact address while I can’t find hers.) I did it to make her feel like she can trust me, and level the information playing field. I’m sorry to have breached the trust but it felt like the right thing to do.
I can’t fault you for trying to do the right thing. Truly. Thanks for being her friend.
I wish I could be a better friend but we’ve both socialized so little in our formative years (plus I’m neurodivergent and she’s socially anxious) that we’re fumbling through basics of what a relationship means… I’ve been putting women on a pedestal, for example. Is the “magical girl” analogy I use for trans women part of this? Maybe…