• LastYearsIrritant@sopuli.xyzEnglish
    60·
    1 day ago

    The friends you made as a kid were usually people you had to hang around with every single day. School, clubs, the neighborhood, etc.

    Making friends as an adult is only harder because the only people you have to hang around with every day are at work, and that’s not always the people you want to spend more time with outside of work.

    So if you don’t want to make friends with your coworkers, find another place to hang out with people on a regular basis. Volunteer, join a club, take classes, go to church, go to the gym, or do something that YOU find interesting. Make sure you go regularly and chat with the other people who are doing that activity regularly.

    The most important thing is you don’t join that activity only to make friends, but because you genuinely want to do it. If you want to be there, and the other people want to be there, then you already have a connection that you can build on.

    The main thing to realize is that you don’t have to spend money to make friends. You just have to figure out how to be in the same space as other people over and over again. That can be difficult for a lot of people, but it is possible.

    • StellarExtract@lemmy.zip
      10·
      24 hours ago

      I think the problem for me is that going and doing things like that regularly requires a lot of time, which would mean I would have to sacrifice my own projects or sacrifice time with my kid, both of which I don’t want to do. I don’t really want to make friends with coworkers, because I tend to consider them a liability. Relationships can change, and as you get to know someone you can find out things about them that stops you from wanting to be friends (they’re a secret republican, etc). If a work friendship goes south, you now have a potentially hostile coworker with intimate knowledge about your life, which can directly impact your livelihood. Sooo I have like three friends, each of whom are from my twenties or earlier, and two of whom live hundreds of miles away. I’m not unhappy, though.

      • LastYearsIrritant@sopuli.xyzEnglish
        10·
        23 hours ago

        When I was growing up, almost all of my parents friends were other parents at my activities. Bring your kid to stuff and meet the other parents. You don’t have to sacrifice time with your family to also make friends.

        Tho I’m in no position to tell you how to run your life. You can do whatever you want.