Transcription
Black text on white background reading “when i say “if i recall” or “if i remember correctly” i am being polite about being right. i remember and i am correct.”
“AS STATED CLEARLY IN THE PREVIOUS EMAIL, f*ck you” My brain, 4 times a week
That’s funny because when I say those things it usually means “you asked me for an answer so I’m supplying you an answer despite having no personal confidence in my answer. If you act on based on this information alone it’s your own damn fault.”
IIRC is my way of getting out of citing sources, often because I don’t remember exactly what it was, say if I saw it during a nature show on PBS or a segment on SciShow
Sometimes I don’t remember if it was AP, Reuters or Mother Jones where I got a fact or a take, but it was someplace I could probably trust. So If I remember right…
Curiously, if I don’t trust a source and can’t recall who it was, I’ll attribute it to vicious rumors or some muckraking rag or but it sounds like something FOX News would put out, so take with salt.
It’s also an out for if for whatever reason, I am misremembering and am wrog
When I use those phrases I’m indicating uncertainty, so really, PLEASE correct me if I’m wrong.
Really? Because if I use “if I remember correctly” I mean I’m not 100% sure of I do and am completely open for someone else to come along and show me the correct answer.
There are a few times I mean it cynically.
Most of the time when I use those phrases I’m not actually 100% sure and want an out in case I was wrong
I hate not using that phrasing because I know I am fallible, but to many normal people, even if you know you can be wrong, you give a confident response.
If there is any chance I could be slightly incorrect I use this phrasing, but this really has meant that some people are more grating to me than others because they will think you arent confident or smart if you show any signs of being able to acknowledge your fallibility
I think acknowledging my fallibility is part of why I got the job I have now, but it’s generally part of the interview at my work to throw curve ball questions to see how the candidate handles it.
Like, for example, I had 60 seconds to list as many protocols and associated ports as I could. I got a few (apparently the most of the candidates which is wild), but I prefaced it by telling them my skill set wasn’t rote memory recall.
I used to work for a guy who was never wrong. He didn’t talk much, but when he said something, it was always correct. He still hedged a lot, so he would say “I’m not sure you’re right; I think the answer might be X.” What that meant was “You are certainly mistaken and the only reasonable answer is X.”
On maybe the third day of my first programming job, a colleague pulled me aside and said “don’t give me ‘shoulds’ and ‘probablys’. You need to sound confident so I can know to trust what you’re saying”.
That guy was a bit of a dickhead in general but there’s a lot of truth there. To the question “what’s the expected impact of this change?”, “None.” is a good answer. “Well it should work…” is not useful feedback and a good Operations Manager will rightfully reject the change.
Of course it is better to be hesitant than falsely confident, but far too many (software) engineers hide behind indecisive language to dodge the necessary hard work of validating their hunches. If you didn’t test your shit fully, just say so. If you’re right, say it. Personal ego doesn’t belong in an engineering discussion.
That’s me in person. Online I’m more likely to offer an opinion on a subject, with a caveat that I’m willing to be corrected. In person, if I speak up, it’s because I am either 100% correct, or I have every reason to believe I am. I don’t open my trap unless I am positive I know the answer.
I don’t open my trap unless I am positive I know the answer.
This is is a remarkably valuable skill, and remarkably rare.
I’ll stay quiet even in that case if it looks like the answer’s close to the surface of the conversation anyway.
My mom’s favorite teaching quote was “it is better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to open your mouth and erase all doubt”
That’s bullshit.
If I was completely certain of something, I would say so.
In most scenarios, if I’m wrong, I lacked pieces of information. It doesn’t really matter how strongly I feel I am right if I’m wrong. It certainly doesn’t matter how often I am right, because I could get it wrong.
In particular if there is a chunk of knowledge where I don’t know how much information I am lacking, that’s the worst outcome. I could be so extremely wrong that it requires more time than waiting to confirm whether or I am.
It’s very rude and condescending of management and clients to always be so critical of my “confidence.” It has nothing to do with how “confident” I am in an solution.
I get paid to be right. So I will be right a lot. It isn’t a magical he’s usually right so he’s right this time. If that is what is expected of me, use LLMs.
Edit: It may not be clear, but I have given the “certain” I am right 4 or 5 times over 13 years. It’s RARE. I do not sugarcoat. I don’t have the energy to play social games when time, money, and system availability is at stake.
People don’t like being told they are wrong, so, if you are sure they are indeed wrong, giving them the option to reconsider is usually more tactful and polite.
Also, I don’t know what your job is, but noone ks paid to be right. People make mistake because you can never be fully certain of anything. You are paid for your time/experience, and that allows you to be wrong (at least in a healthy environment).
I’m an engineer. I literally get paid to be right. Because of this, I give an accurate assessment of my own answer if I am not certain.
The amount of times I am certain of being right is probably countable on a single hand over the past dozen years of my career.
Or you’re a woman talking to a certain type of man, and want to avoid an argument if he decides what he thinks is correct when it isn’t … or just try to use passive wording as much as possible in general so you don’t get fired for being ‘a bitch’.
Urgh! I rarely encountered it, but the need to tiptoe around (some) men’s who makes my skin crawl…
Many of them are at least a bit sensitive, so I just use the same wording for all men these days.
My memory is actually not 100% there so when I use those phrases I do mean “if I recall correctly”, lol. I think I use “we’re all free to think what we think” if I wanna keep the conversation going or “fair enough” when I wanna exit it. 👍
My memory is terrible too, but I pretty much only use those phrases when I’m 100% sure I do recall. The rest of the time I feel like it isn’t worth speaking up at all.
Yeah lol I use it because I often remember the start of a point, but never what we ended up deciding/nuance of the particular pribkem
I only use it to cover my ass because I’m not sure I’m right
“Is that right? I had heard an alternate theory…”
You’re definitely wrong, and I know more about this than you do.
Typically if I have a working solution in front of me or documentation of being correct I will plainly state it. There’s no need to play with words.
“No, in the documentation, it states”
Or “No, I have the solution in front of me this is the process” etc.
