[a sign reads FEMINIST CONFERENCE next to a closed door, a blue character shrugs and says…]
I don’t care
[next to the same door, the sign now says RESTRICTED FEMINIST CONFERENCE WOMEN ONLY, there are now four blue characters desperately banging on the door, one is reduced to tears on the floor, they are shouting]
DISCRIMINATION
SO UNFAIR!!!
LET US IINN!!
MISANDRY
Yeah one time I accidentally commented in one of the women’s space community, as I thought it was only a meme aimed at women. The mod both recognized it was an honest mistake, and noted it actually added the conversation so they kept it up but said something along the lines of “thank you this is great but this is also a women’s only space, please don’t do it again” and they were very respectful about it. So I just lurked in that comments section as to respect the rules
Point is I too would probably be upset if my community was overran with “as a man”. What’s that one comic strip with the guy always going oh no, basically in the one I’m thinking of, they carve out their own niche, but then the majority comes in and kicks them out
Like is my heart in the right place, yes I think so, but would it lead to a situation like that, also yes
But I don’t see the point of people throwing a fit. Like go a general community like one of the Asks and throw it there. Like I fundamentally don’t understand people going “waaah I can’t be a part of something I didn’t want to be in”
It reminds me of one of my friends upset he wasn’t invited to one of our line gaming get together, despite the fact they hate the game
WHAT I MISSING I DONT GET IT
I think what’s missing is the request to be more special than others.
There are aquarium groups, but I’ve never seen them comment that you should shut up if you don’t own an aquarium. There is a “dull men” group, and I never saw them trying to forbid someone to speak in their room if they are too interesting or too female.
If you don’t want out-group people to participate, your solution is not a platform that allows everybody to participate, and then scold people if they do. It just makes it seem like it’s a deliberate setup to be able to tell people “You made a mistake. You have the wrong gender” - and if not that, they at least demand special treatment among the equals on Lemmy, also not a character trait that people appreciate.
The comic you’re thinking of is by webcomicname, and… it’s better than my comic at making the same point tbh, I love their work.
It doesn’t feel good to feel excluded. Being told that you’re not wanted in a space/event/group makes people have an immediate reaction. I will certainly let people have their spaces, I’m just offering why I think it happens. Like you saying about the friend that wasn’t invited. The friend being upset wasn’t upset because he wanted involved in that game. They were upset because they weren’t invited. That can make you feel unimportant, overlooked, or forgotten about. In terms of friendship, it’s better to make the offer and let the person make their own decision. Unless of course you have invited the person in the past and they like blew up at you for even asking about something you know they hate. In that case I’d say not inviting is best.
Speaks to our primate nature.
When you’re allowed everywhere by default , it can bruise something in your brain when you hit a closed door.
Now couple that with generations of bullshit tropes about women-only spaces being either lesbian pillow fight fantasies or penis-slicing plotters and shit gets weird
Men have been forced to change seats on an airplane for the ‘crime’ of being male while adjacent to children.
It doesn’t help matters to generalize like this.
Men’s brains ‘bruise against closed doors’ a lot more often than you assume.
Removed by mod
I also commented there by accident once because I didn’t read the community name. They politely asked me to refrain from doing so. I was embarrassed, and have been more careful.
Apparently for some people this is unacceptable.
The same for me. I later just blocked the community because I will definitely forget to check again and then comment and I don’t want to be an annoyance.
That’s exactly how I got Perma banned from Reddit I didn’t check the subs name before commenting with a different account. Oh well, the place is a shit hole anyway
Eh, happened to me here as well once. Some mods are … not getting enough fresh air. And they migrated from reddit as well.
it’s not that they weren’t playing the game, it’s that they were excluded from the group. they would have liked the chance to say no, or just to hang out and keep y’all topped up with snacks or whatever i don’t know the exact dynamics of the group. next time, even if they hate the game, invite them and give them a chance to say no. that’s what they want and what does it cost? that way they don’t feel excluded from the group. it’s (probably) that simple
The legit concern I’ve seen is that it doesn’t fit in Lemmy’s structure. You can’t just exclude a demographic, right? But I respectfully disagree, as I believe the expectation is that the community is “read-only” to posters identifying as men, and posting is a perfectly enforceable thing on Lemmy.
Other arguments are just baits for toxicity I’d rather not get into :(. But yeah, one factor is definitely like:
With that sub I think the problem is when the posts end up in all, which really does fit badly with the structure - then people comment without realizing which community because you tend to forget to check every now and then (or don’t even read side bars at all because there’s so many, so won’t know until you make the mistake of posting there), which then causes those unnecessary whoopsies and extra mod-work.
I fully agree that lemmy is annoyingly misogynistic which in turn means blocking that community only makes the feeds even more male-centric. I don’t know what would solve this
I think it’s fine that people accidentally comment and mods have to do the extra work, it allows the community to stay open for women to be able to find. That was how I found it.
The easiest solution is, when a man gets told that it’s a space for women, he can just say “Oops, sorry about that” and move on, that is how most men respond when asked to not comment there. Its the men who have awful reactions and get argumentative that since a post came up in all, they should be allowed to join and comment whenever they want. Which is just silly.
If they don’t mind all the accidental commenters there, then there’s no issue I guess? And I fully agree that it is stupid to get all pissy about being politely asked to leave, even if you disagree with a mod policy like that. Just walk away and don’t be a jerk, it’s not that hard jesus christ.
And yes I’ve made the mistake of commenting there too, so I know what lead to that lmao. Though I’m not a man and wasn’t asked to leave, so it’s not exactly the same
Accidental commenters get things explained nicely to them - have a look at any hot post on the comm. You’ll see the copypaste response .
How they respond to that public mod reply is on them.
Yeah I was more worried about all the work that it requires to do, since all the posts I see are basically the very popular ones, and I don’t know how they recognize the unwanted posters without it taking a lot too. I’ve seen topics with a lot of those responses and that seems very frustrating for the mods and the community itself - especially if there’s plenty of the entitled jerks. But if it’s not a problem for the community, then there is no problem
You would be surprised how many individuals find this too difficult lol
Yeah, I mean it would be nice for folks to read the rules, but as long as they don’t get nasty when being asked to not comment, it’s not an issue. From what I see hanging out there, it doesn’t seem to be a big deal most of the time. Mods just say their thing and the convo moves on. If the community were marked as private, many women, myself included, likely never would have found that space.