Both of my grandfathers were horrible, and then largely absent. When each of them died, I managed a shrug and a mild bit of interest in learning more about them from their obituaries than they had ever shared with me over my entire life. My parents both show signs of generational trauma. They did their best with me, and I give them each passing grades, somewhat elevated by the fact that they got divorced when I don’t remember, rather than sticking it out in a malfunctional marriage and no doubt allowing me to get caught in the crossfire. Even for all of that, I recognize in myself some of the echoes of what was done to them. I’ve done therapy and I’ve resolved to make sure my kid knows that, even if we sometimes argue or have to tell her things she doesn’t want to hear, that no matter what we’ll always love and cherish her.
Try to live your life in such a way that, when you die, the people you leave behind can manage more of an emotional reaction than a shrug and moving on with their day.
Both of my grandfathers were horrible, and then largely absent. When each of them died, I managed a shrug and a mild bit of interest in learning more about them from their obituaries than they had ever shared with me over my entire life. My parents both show signs of generational trauma. They did their best with me, and I give them each passing grades, somewhat elevated by the fact that they got divorced when I don’t remember, rather than sticking it out in a malfunctional marriage and no doubt allowing me to get caught in the crossfire. Even for all of that, I recognize in myself some of the echoes of what was done to them. I’ve done therapy and I’ve resolved to make sure my kid knows that, even if we sometimes argue or have to tell her things she doesn’t want to hear, that no matter what we’ll always love and cherish her.
Try to live your life in such a way that, when you die, the people you leave behind can manage more of an emotional reaction than a shrug and moving on with their day.