Hi all. As this is the internet, I’m sure I’m going to get backlash and negative comments about me personally (“you were never REALLY vegan”), but before you do that please know this post is coming from someone struggling with a lot of things beyond just this and is legit looking for help.
I’ve been vegan for 6 years now (for the animals and for the environment). During that time I have never knowingly consumed any kind of animal products be it food or otherwise. I always felt I was doing the right thing for me and strongly felt the need to reduce harm that I inflict as a human consumer. I struggle with self-esteem so I always figured “I’m a piece of shit, why should anything have to suffer to sustain me?” I should note I also live in a very VERY rural area and I’m the only vegan I personally know both locally and anywhere else.
Lately I’ve been struggling with my conviction when it comes to being vegan. I see all the horrible things in this world. How no one seems to care for anything other than themselves these days. Humans can’t even treat each other with basic decency let alone animals. All humans seem to do is destroy the environment so they can google something faster or generate some slop that looks the same as all the rest. So why should I even bother anymore? Buy that leather belt, eat that chicken. Baseline decency is no longer needed it seems, why go further?
I guess what I’m saying is the world is shit and most of the people in it seem to be as well. Why should I care about harm reduction anymore? If the status quo is to treat everything and everyone like shit, then what’s the point anymore?
When I play it forward in my mind, the thought of actually consuming animal products makes me physically ill, but I feel like I’m thinking about it more and more and the time it takes for me to get to that nausea takes longer and longer. And that is what truly worries me.
I hate that I’m starting to not care about others anymore, and frankly could use a caring ear and words.
EDIT: Thank you for the advice and encouragement all. I know this is something I’m going to struggle with for some time, but I’m bookmarking this to come back to your reminders about why I do this. Whether that reason is compassion or spite. Both work depending on the day. I am grateful for you all.
Let me first say, I’m not vegetarian in anyway, but I also don’t have hate for those who are different from me.
It’s okay to feel like you are alone on an island.
That it’s pointless to maintain your values.
It’s okay if you fail to uphold them sometimes.
We aren’t and never will be perfect creatures.
We can only try to do better today than we did yesterday because we can’t change yesterday.
You may be alone but you may also be the reason that someone else in your area considers or even becomes vegan one day.
You may be alone but you can still be an example to everyone around you.
You will never know the totality of the effect you have on the world around you.
I gave up fast food burgers 25 years ago, sometimes it felt completely pointless.
But Im still going, what kept me going was that how rare is it going to be, to be able to say I haven’t had fast food on 50 years.
It’s a meaningless accomplishment, but it does no harm to anyone else, it allows me to stay true to myself even if only in this one way.
You will never know when you will inspire someone else simply by being who you are, but you will, you may have already.
And if you ever find yourself in Quebec City, visit Don Vegan. The citie’s first vegan only restaurant. They certainly had a hard time in that community but they are still there. And have the Thai Soup, one of the best soups I’ve ever had and that’s from someone who eats meat.
I personally feel like vegetarian and by extension vegans, are doing the world a favour by inventing new ways to get flavour out of foods and trying new things that we all can enjoy. In the end flavour is going to win against ideology, make the best food you can invent and if it supplants meat based alternatives simply because it tastes better we all win
Good luck out there, I’m glad you seem to have found some helpful advice already
You’ve been getting a lot of great emotional advice, and I’m gonna give you some social advice: get yourself some vegan friends. That will make it easier. You’ll see good every day, it will become your normal.
This is without a doubt the weakest area of my life. I have zero social circle. I struggle a lot with maintaining friendships online because I feel I don’t interpret the social queues “normally” (whatever that looks like), and I know zero other vegans in my community. Heck, I don’t think that upon learning I’m vegan, that I’ve ever had some say “oh such and such who is local is also vegan.” This also applies to pretty much every single aspect and struggle in my life. I don’t have a support circle. Or a social community. And I’ve put a lot of effort into trying to find them, it just doesn’t exist for someone like me in rural America. I’d move but my son is here and I can’t move him with me so yeah…
Try to focus not on what others do, but on what YOU do. YOU have an actual impact on non human animals, and by not treating them as though they are worthless or consumable, you are causing less harm. You are not contributing to the ice cold panic they feel when they realize they are the next in line to get butchered, or any other short or long term suffering they go through. That is worth a lot, to the individuals spared from the suffering.
Don’t compare yourself to evil people, or uninformed people. Focus on yourself and the good/neutral you keep doing every day. You are kind, thoughtful, compassionate. What you do matters, even if the impact seems small compared to all the suffering.
“The sage tends to the belly and not the eye” - taken from chapter 12 of the Tao te Ching, and also tattooed on my forearm.
Focusing inwardly at what I have and can offer is a good reminder. Thank you
You might stop caring about the future (please don’t), but that cow will never stop caring about its calf. Or the pigglets about their mother. Every day you remain vegan, you contribute to one less death, one less cry for help.
Strong visual and good point
It’s really exhausting. So much of our society is built on evils that have been normalized, and it’s very hard to be aware of that. It’s definitely a burden to go against the norm.
I think the fact that you have empathy and are trying to minimize the harm that you do proves that you’re not a piece of shit. And if you’re anything like me, eating meat would likely be very upsetting for you, and would make you feel a lot worse about yourself. Right now, you’re acting in compassion not only for the sentient beings that you are choosing not to eat, but also to yourself, because you are living in line with your values.
And just because you can desensitize yourself to the idea doesn’t really mean anything about how you actually feel.
Maybe that’s what I’m losing. My capacity for empathy, which is quite worrisome and something worth sitting with and thinking about.
I think looking at the wider world is always going to be bleak. If you look, you can always find humans being terrible, killing, lying, cheating, polluting.
But the opposite is true too. Everywhere, people are fighting for justice, for love and peace. Working to provide for their families, to survive and help others. Harder to find such stories online, as misery and anger goes viral much harder than heroism.
You can’t control others. Only ever your own actions. It’s hard, to find a purpose for yourself. Survival always comes first, and while online veganism stresses purity, I think the ‘as far as is practicalable’ line in the ‘definition’ is important. You can only ever do your best, and you can only do your best while you live.
I’m not sure exactly your own outlook, on veganism, what your core drive is. But no one can live an absolutely harm-free life. It’s noble and right, to do what you can to lower that. But when speaking to what drives you, you should focus more on what you can create. Those people you have connections with in your life. Meeting and connecting with more people. I think a lot of the poison in the world, magnified by social media, can be lessened by talking with people face-to-face, finding common ground.
This is my weakest area, all I generally see is online bullshit. I don’t really have any local friends to hang out with and SEE the good in people. I don’t doom-scroll all day but I spend more time than I probably should. Finding others as those examples locally is something I need to put more effort into.
The animals care about what you do for an extreme example you won’t just give in and rape someone because who cares the world sucks; don’t use the world’s problems as an excuse to contribute to them.
A strong example but you’re not wrong.
Just keep going to spite them, out of pure stubbornness. Refuse to join the rest in burning down the planet. Fuck them all.
NGL, for me personally, this might be the best advice here. Spite has always been a very good motivator for me tbph
I am kinda playing the little devil on your shoulder with that answer. I mean, spite and contempt certainly help. But I can tell from experience that they also make you cynical and angry.
The better answer probably would be to focus not on the many, many assholes out there but on the few kind people you know. To keep going for the weakest of the weak, be it humans or animals. To not throw away what you have put so much energy into over the last 6 years.
Maybe the best path lies somewhere between. A soft hand for the
peoplebeings you love and a firm one for all the assholes.That makes sense. When I say spite is a motivator for me, it’s always been to prove myself: “Oh you think this is too hard for someone to do? Watch me.” That sort of thing. It’s how I quit smoking many years ago, to spite those that thought I couldn’t by simply going cold turkey. Telling me I can’t do something is, or used to me, the easiest way to get me to do it to the best of my ability. Just to prove the other wrong about their assumptions about me. Maybe that voice in my head telling me to fuck being vegan is the one I need to prove wrong this time.
Because if you were the one being victimised as the animals are, you’d want them to stay vegan; not have them give up and start contributing to your suffering.
I think that’s the hard part. Now, I’m not trying to compare apples to apples here, I understand there’s a difference, but as a trans person living in Amerikkka, it constantly feels like I’m a lamb being led to slaughter.
I’ve definitely struggled with these exact thoughts a lot in the past.
As the longer I’ve been vegan, and as I’ve gotten older too, my perspective on veganism (and other decisions I’ve made for the environment, such as being car-free) has shifted.
I used to be really motivated to try and save the world. Surely, by leading by example, and sharing the facts and science, I could inspire the people around me to make more eco-friendly decisions. While a couple people I know have slightly reduced their meat intake, or now opt for a bicycle instead of a car for the occasional commute; most people only offer excuses and refuse to put their money where their mouth is, values-wise.
My perspective is now somewhat egoist; I’m vegan (and car-free, and other things) for myself. It makes me feel better to not participate in systems which actively harm society, our planet, or any living beings. So I do it. I’ve accepted the futility of trying to keep our planet livable for our species in the face of capitalism, but it still feels better for me to be vegan.
Do you think you’d feel better if you started eating meat again?
That’s the big thing. I think if I started eating meat again I’d be ashamed of myself. Yet the desire to give up is there. But you make some very good points.
I guess you just have to sit with that shame, shame which I’m assuming from your post you already feel because of these thoughts, and figure out what it means for you. I hope for the animals’ sake that you stay vegan, but for your sake I hope you do whatever you need to have your peace.
Sounds rough, and I agree the world is full of terrible things/people. Being vegan is definitely much easier on certain places / around supportive communities.
I don’t think it’s binary. You can raise animals humanely (or better), avoid red meat, etc. As with political involvement / other activism, a sustained level and potential growth is better than burning out / entirely giving up.
But, collective outcomes are built on millions/billions of seemingly inconsequential actions. It helps me to focus on my direct actions versus tracking global outcomes too closely. I’m excited to install rain barrels — it won’t stop groundwater depletion or solve runoff, but it marginally improves my impact, and it’s one more example people might see / ask about walking around my neighborhood. Etc.
I’ve been enjoying listening to Braiding Sweetgrass, free on Libby. It’s a vision of how a culture can operate on care, and how that’s not incompatible with science. It does make me mourn what America has lost/destroyed. But there are also a few ideas/phrases I’ve found myself returning to our weaving into conversations.
I’m going to check out Braiding Sweetgrass thank you. And I’m also excited about installing rain barrels myself 😊
