Un my experience the worst people are the ones who have had no adversity.
Your post is great OP. There are so many entitled people in this thread arguing that their life gives them a reason to not be a good person. Its lovely that they’re all outing themselves for who they really are.
There will always be someone out there who had it worse than you did. Many of those people choose good. Being a good person is an active choice that you have to make every day, and it is not the easy choice. It’s work.
You don’t want to make the effort and try and leave this world a little better than you found it? Fine. But at least own up to it. Don’t blame circumstance. It’s you. It’s the choice you are making.
I made this post strictly to incite horrible arguments/statements in the comments.
That’s right.
Just because you’re a minority born and raised in a struggling household in a bad neighbourhood, that doesn’t give you an excuse to act like an asshole. Do better.
Just because you have Autism/ADD/other that doesn’t mean its ok to be an asshole to people. You’ve lived with that condition for long enough that you should be able to manage it. Do better.
I agree with the underlying message, what I have an issue with is that it’s portrayed as a universal rule.
It’s a universal rule
*neighborhood. Not neighb our hood. Do better.
Just a tip if you’re trying to be edgy/poignant. Don’t end the message with “Sorry”. It both weakens the message you’re trying to convey and makes you sound like a complete asshole.
Example:
Shitty adults do not give you a free pass to be a non-achieving leftist whiner.
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Fuckin… wut?
It took me quite a while to climb out of that pit. Even now decades later I’m realizing how much they did to me. They didn’t know it and didn’t care but they shortened my life with their neglect. I had never looked up rheumatic fever. When I was fourteen I was third in free style swimming in my region. I got sick with a sore throat and ear ache. My parents waited three days to take me to the doctor. The 80 year doctor just said it was a minor ‘red throat’ I went back home and two days later my I started bleeding from my ears. Three days after that they finally took me back to the doctor. I had a high fever and was really out of it. I was out of it for a few days and in the hospitals for fourteen days.
After that I started getting slower in swimming. I couldn’t no longer keep up with the times I had when I was younger. I was getting tired all the time and was having pain in my chest. My mother insisted I was too old for that and fool that I was believed her. In truth I had heart problems related to that fever. They had the money and I had insurance but they decided that their money was more important and the only reason why they went to the doctor when they did was because someone came by the house and saw the bloody paper towel next to my ear and freaked out. I didn’t learn that for thirty years just like I didn’t learn they called SCAN which was child services at the time. Of course they talked them down and I was in my late forties before I found out.
I had a heart attack when I was in my mid thirties. Now in my mid fifties I’m looking at severe problem with my heart valves. If I lose my job I’m dead in the Land of the Fee. I have tried to raise my children better but I still have difficult emotional problems and I can tell you right now I don’t hate much but even though they are dead I will always hate them.
sometimes the parents are so shitty, that the children turns out that way(and the child gets blamed for it because they are grown up but unable to do this or that as an adult), and the parents get mad when they get the consequences of it. i think strep goes like this strep throat to scarlet fever to rheumatic, which is the most serious.
Honestly, I used to feel the same. But now… Not so much.
Shitty childhoods often develop into isolating behaviors. Isolating behaviors keep you from connecting with other people. Those people often give you hell, because you don’t have the skills to connect and they’re afraid of you. Which means you learn behaviors to keep others away from you.
Those people often give you hell
I imagine the post was getting at the idea of intentionally being harsh to nice people, not talking back to people who are assholes.
One of my pet peeves is strangers being overly rude or dismissive or whatever when I try to do small kind things. Like you don’t need to acknowledge me for holding a door open, but don’t make eye contact with me and give me a stank face you fuckin creep lmfao.
A reason isn’t an excuse (or free pass).
It could be considered a mitigating consideration, but thats not an automatic freedom from consequences.
You need to look up the definition of an excuse.
A reason is literally an excuse.
If every time your parents offered you ice cream as a child, they beat the hell out of you, you’d soon start associating ice cream with with abuse. You’d expect it, as a matter of survival.
When you got older, someone offering you ice cream would trigger that fight or flight mechanism.
Mitigation is quite literally freedom from one consequence, in place of another.
A reason is literally an excuse.
Not by default, though i will say i phrased my reply poorly, what i should have said was.
a reason isn’t always an excuse
They are similar, but the implications and potential usages of each are different.
A reason is an potential explanation for an action/outcome etc.
An excuse is an attempt to use a reason to mitigate some or all of the consequences of an action.
An excuse always has a reason as a basis, but not all reasons are excuses.
The main difference is intent,
As an example, two kids get in to a fight, kid a is asked “why were you fighting?”
They say “they hit me so i hit them back”.
That can be both a reason and an excuse depending on the intent of the speaker.
As a statement of subjective fact, that would be a reason.
As an attempt to dodge punishment or consequences, it would be an excuse.
It can also be both.
If every time your parents offered you ice cream as a child, they beat the hell out of you, you’d soon start associating ice cream with with abuse. You’d expect it, as a matter of survival.
When you got older, someone offering you ice cream would trigger that fight or flight mechanism.
While potentially true, I’m not sure how it’s relevant.
Mitigation is quite literally freedom from one consequence, in place of another.
That’s not what mitigation means either.
“Just because you got burned doesn’t mean you get to go around setting everyone else on fire.”
A quote I remember often.
The thing about trauma is that it hijacks the default mode network and makes everything look like a threat. The word is hypervigilance, and it filters everything you perceive through the lens of danger.
So when “hurt people hurt people,” it’s not usually because “I’m in pain so I must make others suffer.” Often it’s because they see a phantom of whoever hurt them in the past, and it’s overlaid on every interaction they have.
The default mode becomes defensiveness and self-preservation, and often the impulse is to preempt any potential pain by reacting to it before it even happens.
Therapy can help, but blaming people for their trauma and treating them as a fundamentally bad person because of how it manifests in their behavior doesn’t.
My quote wasn’t intended to be a solution for people with genuine problems. It can be a reminder to take a step back if one can.
Yeah, trauma or other defensive behavior can be like wagon ruts. That’s the well-worn path the brain defaults to and it can be really hard to lift that heavy wagonload of trauma out of that deep rut. Creating other roads and lightening the load is a job for therapy.
Absolutely humans are deeply affected on conscious and unconscious levels by all kinds of things that are out of their control - both experiences and brain chemistry. Absolutely it is a privilege afforded to only a few to have access to the support and resources needed to become aware of their situation and create deep change for themselves.
It’s also true that if you do a bad thing you did a bad thing. That does NOT mean you are a bad person, it does NOT mean all the things you can’t or couldn’t control are your responsibility, it does NOT mean that you even were fully aware of what you did.
But if you do a bad thing you are responsible for what you did. YOU did it. It is your responsibility to get on a path that will allow you to recognize and change that behavior.
It is nobody’s job to be perfect or beat themselves up for mistakes. It is everyone’s job to work towards being better - to themselves and to the people around them.
Part of that is understanding that you are responsible for your actions. You may genuinely not have been capable of making a better choice at the time - but if you did it = it’s on you to own the mistake.
Makes me think of the fact that boys that are sexually abused as children are far more likely to grow up to become pedophiles than boys who are not sexually abused as children.
They should still be in prison if they ever act on their pedophilia.
They should still get help for the trauma they have experienced.
I’m willing to bet that almost all of them are fixable as long as they have not offended, but saying that, I also say that it’s practically inexcusable if they did.
I honestly don’t know if this is genuinely supposed to be a shitposting community, and at this point I’m too afraid to ask
Figure it out
Explain to me in one hastily written white board that you do not understand childhood trauma.
On the one hand there’s truth to that: your behavior is your responsibility.
On the other: people in this country are seriously uneducated in regards to childhood trauma. I mean good grief. If someone is behaving poorly, there may be deep reasons for that and maybe get them some help.
What country ?
I think the point is though that after you move out you are in control of your own destiny, and can choose to be a better person than your parents, or just repeat their patterns in your life. I’m not negating trauma.
I.e. had a guy doing Renos at our place, super guy, very kind. As the renos went on we got to chatting. His dad was an abusive alcoholic and he’d left home. I commented how he was doing amazing in spite of his upbringing, and his response was (paraphrased) “I went through stuff, but one day I had to choose not to be my dad, and not let what he did hold me back any longer. You can wallow and drown in the poor me pool, or climb out of it”
is everyone here larping as if we were on facebook or some shit like that?
That’s the intentional irony I envisioned with this post. It’s going how I expected. “Be better”
Larping?
Been that way for a while
It’s all about attitude. You can’t choose your trauma, but you can choose how to see it:
- A normal experience that you “got over” and refuse to allow yourself (and by extension others) to say is or was “that bad,” may even lead to believing that it’s “your turn” to inflict it on anyone who arbitrarily deserves it
- A horrific experience that you never want another child to ever go through
Luckily, I grew up with parents who saw it the #2 way and raised me with love
You cannot always understand or even know your own trauma and in many cases, not all for sure, as you didn’t see it as trauma or completely suppress it and hide it from even yourself
No, but it should inspire compassion and patience. Childhood abuse literally changes the structure of their growing brains, you don’t fix that in a day.
Learning changes the structure of growing and non-growing brains. So does trauma.
Shit was rough. Break the cycle. Be the change you want to see.
No, but understanding how a shitty childhood can often lead to a shitty adult can help prevent it.
Yes and maybe you’ll be able to bring up some compassion for shitty people when you understand them a bit better
