• Dookieman12@piefed.social
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    2 hours ago

    Being fair to women back then, most of them didn’t know how sex and babies worked, lacked any sort of formal education besides knowing how to read and write, and were raised that disagreeing with your husband or saying no to him in the bedroom was how to wind up an old spinster, the worst fate for any woman.

    “Honey, if I knew what was causing it, I would never have had more than two.”

    -My great grandma, mother of 12

      • CarstenBoll@feddit.dk
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        43 minutes ago

        That seems unlikely to be true unless they were raised very religious and not in any proximity to farm animals or pets.

      • Dookieman12@piefed.social
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        24 minutes ago

        Not until after menopause. She was born in the rural US American south some time in the 1920s (the date is known, I just forget). She grew up during the great depression, never went to school, only knew what she learned from her mother, who lived the same way, and only socialized with other women at church, who also lived and grew up the same way. She could read and count well enough to follow a recipe and write enough to leave her husband a note, but that was about it. She was raised to believe that if she said no to her husband in the bedroom, he would divorce her, word would spread around town that she wasn’t a “good woman” and she would end up an old spinster, the worst thing a woman could possibly be.

  • Bubbaonthebeach@lemmy.ca
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    2 hours ago

    That’s what happens when a wife is not allowed to say no and birth control doesn’t exist. Could also represent having sex only 15 times over 16 years and getting pregnant every time. My grandmother swore all my grandfather needed to do was look at her and she was pregnant yet again.

  • DaniNatrix@leminal.space
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    4 hours ago

    I had the fortunate experience of growing up with great-grandparents living, as well as some of their siblings. I got to hear first-hand experiences from 3 generations of women (mother, grandmothers, and two great-grandmothers plus various aunts sprinkled in). It was invaluable for me. Knowing their life stories and the truth of what they endured has helped me navigate life in so many ways.

    It also has been incredible armor against the flood of misplaced nostalgia and outright manipulation of history that seems so prevelant. My great-grandmother was born in 1908 and died in 2002. She left her abusive husband in the 1930s and raised her kids as a single mom in a time when it was exponentially more difficult to do so. Glad she got out when she did with 4 instead of 14…

    • tetris11@feddit.uk
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      2 hours ago

      When I hear of the women in the victorian times who worked as sex workers to get by, got hacked into pieces by Jack the Ripper and no one batted an eye when they heard a woman screaming as that’s just what London was like at the time…

      … I know there’s a lot of unwritten history that wildly deviates from the conservative mindset, and always has.

      • DaniNatrix@leminal.space
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        2 hours ago

        If you’re interested, I highly recommend “The Five: The Untold Lives of the Women Killed by Jack the Ripper” by Hallie Rubenhold!

  • jaybone@lemmy.zip
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    6 hours ago

    Before modern medicine, often people would have a ton of kids because they would frequently die.

    • velma@sh.itjust.works
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      5 hours ago

      Before modern medicine, often people would have a ton of kids because they would frequently die.

      Before modern medicine, birth control and abortions were much harder to come by, too.

    • WoodScientist@lemmy.world
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      2 hours ago

      Rather than attributing this to the lack of modern medicine, I would attribute this to the lack of television and the internet. 🤣

  • dragnucs@lemmy.ml
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    3 hours ago

    Big difference. They have sex only once or twice a year. And it happens to impregnate them. Rinse and repeats to get 10. 12 or 15. Could go from 18 or 20 years old to 35 or 40 years old. Then menopause. And the father is like 60 or 70 years old.

  • Bluewing@lemmy.world
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    5 hours ago

    Grandma, you know better. Everyone was just as horny and kinky back then as they are today. You’re STILL horny and kinky Grandma!

    • Dookieman12@piefed.social
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      2 hours ago

      Oh wow, you dug a grave? Look at mister “thinks he’s better than everybody else because he owns enough land to bury people”. Why don’t you just tie em up in a sack and toss em in the river like the rest of us?

    • MrShankles@lemmy.world
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      8 hours ago

      And the “orphan train” already passed by, so it’s not pictured either. Or the “for sale” signs when the children became too many. But the chimney sweep kids are “living it up”, as they’re learning an important trade!

      • velma@sh.itjust.works
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        7 hours ago

        But the chimney sweep kids are “living it up”, as they’re learning an important trade!

        The cancers those chimney sweep kids got were horrific. Last Podcast on the Left recently did a deep dive into chimney sweeps and it was eye-opening. Highly recommend listening if you’re into that kind of thing.

        I was just recommending a podcast episode lol

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          39 minutes ago

          Chim, chimney

          Chim, chimney

          Chim, chim, cher-ee

          A sweep is full of cancer

          As full of cancer as you can be.

        • NABDad@lemmy.world
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          4 hours ago

          if you’re into that kind of thing

          Chimney sweeps, podcasts, cancer, or open eyes?

        • SpaceDuck@feddit.org
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          4 hours ago

          Do you have a link to the podcast “the Left” or related doesn’t show clear results, thanks.

        • MrShankles@lemmy.world
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          7 hours ago

          Sorry, sorry… that was sarcasm. It was mostly slavery of orphans, guised as trade-skills. As well as the cancers, they also had hellish injury/death, because ya know… 7 year olds are climbing chimneys

          “Put their feet to the fire”… sometimes kids were too afraid to keep climbing, so they lit a fire under them. Sometimes, they became too grown and got stuck in the chimney, possibly dying. Hellish

          • velma@sh.itjust.works
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            7 hours ago

            I wasn’t correcting you, I just have ADHD and saw your line about chimney sweeps which reminded me of that podcast episode so I recommended it hahaha

            I’m sorry I didn’t make it clear that I was just conversing with you.

  • velma@sh.itjust.works
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    8 hours ago

    I don’t think most women wanted to be pregnant back to back like that then.

    My grandmother had 16 children. It destroyed her.

    • Elting@piefed.social
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      8 hours ago

      I’m a tenth child and my mom did it of her own volition. It was like being a dog that nobody wanted to take care of.

      • velma@sh.itjust.works
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        8 hours ago

        I’m sorry you were forced to be in that position.

        My dad was number 14. He was once asked for advice by a man who had several children already and wanted more. My dad’s advice?

        “Stop.”

        My dad went on to explain that this guy was already neglecting his current children and that it was abuse to continue. Because there simply isn’t enough time and resources available.

        • Elting@piefed.social
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          7 hours ago

          My oldest sister wanted to do the same. My brother in law got a vasectomy in secret after the 7th. Everything your dad said is exactly true.

          Edit: I don’t mean to imply that some women aren’t forced into the position of having more kids than they want. But usually having a lot of kids requires two mentally unwell religious fundamentalists.

          • velma@sh.itjust.works
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            7 hours ago

            Oh you’re totally right that there’s people who willingly do this as well! Thankfully we have more choices when it comes to how many children we want these days.

            • baines@lemmy.cafe
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              6 hours ago

              tell that to any woman in the use asking to be sterilized, crazy the hoops you have to jump through, our outlook is so ass backwards

              and I imagine in a controlling relationship, birth control would be hard to hide

              • Schadrach@lemmy.sdf.org
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                4 hours ago

                tell that to any woman in the use asking to be sterilized, crazy the hoops you have to jump through

                That’s entirely about finding the right doctor. I’ve known men who were refused a vasectomy because “you’ll want kids later and it isn’t always reversible” and were asked to get a consent form signed by their wife. Both are things that are common “hoops” women go through when trying to get a conservative doctor to do a hysterectomy or tubal ligation.

                My wife actually brought me with her to the doctor’s appointment where she asked for her hysterectomy “just in case” and the doctor asked why she brought me with her and I kind of sheepishly answered “moral support.” She had seen every other gyno in the area and had problems with all of them, ranging from ignoring her issues to doing a uterine biopsy using a kevorkian punch (look it up, it’s designed to be inserted, and then essentially a metal claw on the business end gouges out a piece of tissue to sample) with no pain relief of any kind on the grounds that “it’s less painful than childbirth”. Most of them were women (including the one that did the uterine biopsy), the one who did her hysterectomy was one of the only men.

                • MintyFresh@lemmy.world
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                  54 minutes ago

                  Ya I had an exgf who had a kid with pretty severe ms. The poor little dude barely made his 9th birthday. Apparently she carries the gene, I’m not sure the exact details. But the risk that any other children she had would be afflicted was too high. She had to go to 6 Drs before she found one that would tie her tubes. Absolutely ridiculous

              • velma@sh.itjust.works
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                6 hours ago

                Yeah it’s still an issue now, but there are more options than back then.

                It’s very hard to hide birth control and it can be tampered with easily. I’ve heard of men microwaving their partner’s birth control pills, poking holes in condoms, even forcing their partner to remove IUDs.

        • Passerby6497@lemmy.world
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          7 hours ago

          Maybe it’s just cuz I’ve got a neurospicy bean who is AuDHD and PDA af, but I do not understand how people can have more than a couple kids. Hell, my wife is the oldest of 5 and it’s crazy how much abuse I now see they all endured (both neglect and actual SA abuse of the youngest ones that wasn’t brought to light until a few years ago).

            • Vreyan31@reddthat.com
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              3 hours ago

              No, some people get a thrill out of the power of making more people, of having a huge family, even if they don’t take good care of them.

              I personally don’t get it. But I have a friend who is a really incompetent person - when we hang out, we have to make extra sure she doesn’t do dangerous things like she is a child. She is a sweet person, but very oblivious in a way that is hard to put a pin on. She is married, and her husband takes care of her and has always seemed to kind of like the responsibility. To each their own. But they now have 2 kids and he is completely overwhelmed. But she wants more and keeps talking about trying to talk him into it or ‘oops’ getting pregnant again in a few years. We all yell at her when she says stuff like that.

              It is the perfect flip-flop of the usual gender roles - where Dad has all the responsibility and doesn’t want more, and Mom just sees it as some kind of power trip about her self image and is oblivious or just doesn’t care that it would break her partner.

          • velma@sh.itjust.works
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            7 hours ago

            Right? I’ve got one kid and I’ve got my hands full! I can’t imagine having more kids than I wanted because of lack of access to contraception. Sounds like a nightmare.

            • OwOarchist@pawb.social
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              2 hours ago

              You see, it’s simple – once you’ve been going for 5 or 6 years, you make the older children take care of the younger ones. Parentification is fun and saves you lots of work!

            • Schadrach@lemmy.sdf.org
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              4 hours ago

              The folks who have large numbers of kids typically start handing off childcare duties to the older ones as soon as they’re physically capable of doing those tasks. Especially the girls - usually these sorts of families don’t want boys doing child care unless there are no girls, but the boys start getting used for labor around the same age.

              • captainlezbian@lemmy.world
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                Yeah, I grew up catholic and that’s how the big families I knew were. You had kids who were largely raised by their big sisters raising the younger siblings… And no, they weren’t ok, they ranged from mad about it to excited to be the mom in such a dynamic

              • velma@sh.itjust.works
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                4 hours ago

                My eldest aunts ended up being pregnant the same time my grandmother was often.

                There’s a lot of resentment and grudges in my family tree.

    • unalivejoy@piefed.social
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      5 hours ago

      My grandparents had 8 children. 7 came after everyone moved out and 8 came because they didn’t want 7 to be lonely.

  • yesman@lemmy.world
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    8 hours ago

    If you teach women about their bodies and give them the choice, they will have fewer children.

    • Photonic@lemmy.world
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      6 hours ago

      True, but they also have more options for birth control. And a family needs two working parents to have a children nowadays as well.

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        4 hours ago

        Also, until recently, childhood vaccines prevented a lot of the deaths that made having tons of kids a necessity.

      • velma@sh.itjust.works
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        6 hours ago

        True, but they also have more options for birth control.

        That’s the choice that yesman is talking about. Birth control and abortion.

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      6 hours ago

      Good thing that the father has a stable job at the gas station to support his family.

      • Schadrach@lemmy.sdf.org
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        4 hours ago

        Or they owned a farm, and 7 or 8 of those kids are already doing significant amounts of farm labor to earn their food. The economics of having tons of kids is radically different when they go from being a cost to a profit in 8ish years instead of from a cost to not a budget item in hopefully 22 if you’re lucky.

        The US school calendar was based on the realities of this. So was the election schedule, voting on a Tuesday aligns neatly with the schedules of farmers bringing goods to the nearest town for market.

        • OwOarchist@pawb.social
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          2 hours ago

          The US school calendar was based on the realities of this.

          No it wasn’t. The US school calendar gives the biggest break times in the middle of summer and the middle of winter – two times when farmers are the least busy. School is fully in session during a farmer’s busiest times of spring planting and fall harvest.