My wife hates that she “always has to pick the restaurant,” when we go out. I cant make her realize she shot down my first 3 suggestions before asking what she wanted. Yes you pick because everything i suggest you dont want tonight and ill eat everything.
She can’t figure out what she wants and wants you to solve it, exactly. She has to pick because she wants to want the answers you give but she doesn’t. What’s it like for you to have to go through this repeatedly, does she know or care?
Ive gotten over itnas best i can. The worst is when i cook something, and she decides thats not what she wants, so she cooks something else for herself.
But she also gets upset that she does most of the cooking. Like yeah no shit. I dont need praise from you for everything i do, but less negative reinforcement would go a long way.
Therapy is helping though. I can hear it in the way she talks to our kids about life and how to treat others. So the realization is coming through
Sounds like the world isn’t meeting her needs and she’s bitter she has to meet her own. Sounds rough man, I feel for ya. So many men deal with wives and girlfriends like this.
More patient than me. I just got the divorce and now my ex and I are both happier.
Man I remember telling her one day when she came downstairs and I was feeding our newly diabetic son pancakes with syrup for breakfast and hearing “what are you doing? His blood sugar will go high?”. I stopped told her we would give him more insulin and then gave up and told here it was why I asked for a divorce. At no point was there a good morning. It was right into what I was doing and how it was wrong. God forbid we parent different.
Long story short I’ve put a lot of work in with the kids and they have every other week with me and I am doing my best to correct the issues created from our 10 years of marriage. Is she aware? I don’t think so. Even when she has the kids they still come to my house and I still have them for sleepovers. They don’t do the same with her.
depression can very much make you become bored by things you used to like, its called anhedonia and it doesnt always go away even after some pretty intensive treatments, or even if the depression itself is managed.
I’ve separated them purposefully because I think there’s an important semantic distinction. The boredom you describe is driven by disinterest due to neurochemical dysfunction.
That’s distinct from boredom as a state of mind which assumes or asserts that curiosity, entertainment, etc, are presented and consumed. There is not necessarily a chemical imbalance imposing this state on the mind.
If you like, you could reword the sentiment as; only boring people are bored (and those with depression are not necessarily boring).
I’ve considered that phrasing previously but found it diminishes the concept.
Should have asked what she wanted to do instead
Sleep
She wants you to know what she wants so she doesn’t have to do the work figuring it out, because she wants to be a child again.
My wife hates that she “always has to pick the restaurant,” when we go out. I cant make her realize she shot down my first 3 suggestions before asking what she wanted. Yes you pick because everything i suggest you dont want tonight and ill eat everything.
She can’t figure out what she wants and wants you to solve it, exactly. She has to pick because she wants to want the answers you give but she doesn’t. What’s it like for you to have to go through this repeatedly, does she know or care?
Ive gotten over itnas best i can. The worst is when i cook something, and she decides thats not what she wants, so she cooks something else for herself.
But she also gets upset that she does most of the cooking. Like yeah no shit. I dont need praise from you for everything i do, but less negative reinforcement would go a long way.
Therapy is helping though. I can hear it in the way she talks to our kids about life and how to treat others. So the realization is coming through
Sounds like the world isn’t meeting her needs and she’s bitter she has to meet her own. Sounds rough man, I feel for ya. So many men deal with wives and girlfriends like this.
Rooting for you too
More patient than me. I just got the divorce and now my ex and I are both happier.
Man I remember telling her one day when she came downstairs and I was feeding our newly diabetic son pancakes with syrup for breakfast and hearing “what are you doing? His blood sugar will go high?”. I stopped told her we would give him more insulin and then gave up and told here it was why I asked for a divorce. At no point was there a good morning. It was right into what I was doing and how it was wrong. God forbid we parent different.
Long story short I’ve put a lot of work in with the kids and they have every other week with me and I am doing my best to correct the issues created from our 10 years of marriage. Is she aware? I don’t think so. Even when she has the kids they still come to my house and I still have them for sleepovers. They don’t do the same with her.
In a way I feel sad for her.
“Whatever you want to do.”
“I have a headache.”
“I’m fine!”
Try having more money and those excuses vanish
Just buy another wife?
Wtf
So you’re saying that … a woman’s partner having more money … makes them… decisive?
Like, inherently?
… or because women only want to do things that cost a significant amount of money, and give noncommital answers when such money is not present?
I am genuienly trying to follow the logic here.
It has nothing to do with money. This is something people will struggle with sans agriculture and in a perfect gift economy utopia.
Only boring people are bored (and depression is not boredom).
depression can very much make you become bored by things you used to like, its called anhedonia and it doesnt always go away even after some pretty intensive treatments, or even if the depression itself is managed.
I’ve separated them purposefully because I think there’s an important semantic distinction. The boredom you describe is driven by disinterest due to neurochemical dysfunction.
That’s distinct from boredom as a state of mind which assumes or asserts that curiosity, entertainment, etc, are presented and consumed. There is not necessarily a chemical imbalance imposing this state on the mind.
If you like, you could reword the sentiment as; only boring people are bored (and those with depression are not necessarily boring).
I’ve considered that phrasing previously but found it diminishes the concept.
The lack of want is horrible to live with.
Yeah, that’s totally how it works.
It is in a healthy relationship.
No. In a healthy relationship you understand when the other one needs their me time and support them with it. That includes video games.
Maybe they should have expanded on their ‘nah’ then
Happy wife, happy life.