Hamster: What are we going to do tonight /u/chimpingway?

/u/chimpingway: The same thing we do every night, Hamster: Try to take over the world.

Do you stick him up the ass of your enemies?

Because yeah, that’s probably not great.

A hamster sidekick is acceptable so long as their duties are limited to consulting, moral support, celebrations of deeds done and piloting very small vehicles. Tasty treats must be provided

-Mr Pebbles 2nd vice chair Hamster side kick union

Pretty sure Gundham Tanaka’s Four Dark Devas of Destruction are prior art for exactly this. Also accomplices to murder, so they’re apparently pretty effective minions.

Next thing you know, they’ll try to make a show about hamsters trying to take over the world.

It’s all about consent. If the hamster is into it, then you’re good to go.

So what is it? A heist? It’s a heist, isn’t it?

This reminds me of one of the OG memes.

“In retrospect, lighting the match was my big mistake. But I was only trying to retrieve the gerbil,” Tomaszewski told bemused doctors in the Severe Burns Unit of Salt Lake City Hospital.

Tomaszewski, and his homosexual partner Andrew “Kiki” Farnum, had been admitted for emergency treatment after a felching session had gone seriously wrong. “I pushed a cardboard tube up his rectum and slipped Raggot, our gerbil, in,” he explained. “As usual, Kiki shouted out ‘Armageddon,’ my cue that he’d had enough. I tried to retrieve Raggot but he wouldn’t come out again, so I peered into the tube and struck a match, thinking the light might attract him.”

At a hushed press conference, a hospital spokesman described what happened next. “The match ignited a pocket of intestinal gas and a flame shot out the tube, igniting Mr. Tomaszewski’s hair and severely burning his face. It also set fire to the gerbil’s fur and whiskers which in turn ignited a larger pocket of gas further up the intestine, propelling the rodent out like a cannonball.”

Tomaszewski suffered second degree burns and a broken nose from the impact of the gerbil, while Farnum suffered first and second degree burns to his anus and lower intestinal tract

I think he could find more information about hamsters on xhamster.com.

I had two hamsters. Bonnie and Clyde. Bonnie ate Clyde. Chewed through her cage, crossed a bedroom, chewed into Clyde’s cage, and ate him side first. Ate through her final cage, his ribcage.

You are not a ne’er-do-well with a hamster sidekick. You are a poor, manipulated human under the spell of an evil hamster.

I once watched a hamster die by aspiration, and another just kinda keeled over from the excitement at watching one of its housemates die. I don’t think hamsters are built for that life.

Is this the Dado origin story?

Minsc?

Keep an eye on the hamster to see if they enjoy scheming. If they look nervous or regretful I’d say let them sit it out. However if they seem gleeful or you see them rubbing their little hands together then they’re probably good to continue scheming.