Lemmiwinks
A hamster is a perfect sidekick… Hamster style is the most dangerous of the kung fu styles…
Hamster: What are we going to do tonight /u/chimpingway?
/u/chimpingway: The same thing we do every night, Hamster: Try to take over the world.
Do you stick him up the ass of your enemies?
Because yeah, that’s probably not great.
A hamster sidekick is acceptable so long as their duties are limited to consulting, moral support, celebrations of deeds done and piloting very small vehicles. Tasty treats must be provided
-Mr Pebbles 2nd vice chair Hamster side kick union
The hamster also wants to be the one to press the red button.
I think he could find more information about hamsters on xhamster.com.
oh me folly! many penises!!
Title of your sex tape
But more disappointingly, no hamsters.
I’m personally relieved that there aren’t any hamsters there.
They’re there, you just can’t see them.
This reminds me of one of the OG memes.
“In retrospect, lighting the match was my big mistake. But I was only trying to retrieve the gerbil,” Tomaszewski told bemused doctors in the Severe Burns Unit of Salt Lake City Hospital.
Tomaszewski, and his homosexual partner Andrew “Kiki” Farnum, had been admitted for emergency treatment after a felching session had gone seriously wrong. “I pushed a cardboard tube up his rectum and slipped Raggot, our gerbil, in,” he explained. “As usual, Kiki shouted out ‘Armageddon,’ my cue that he’d had enough. I tried to retrieve Raggot but he wouldn’t come out again, so I peered into the tube and struck a match, thinking the light might attract him.”
At a hushed press conference, a hospital spokesman described what happened next. “The match ignited a pocket of intestinal gas and a flame shot out the tube, igniting Mr. Tomaszewski’s hair and severely burning his face. It also set fire to the gerbil’s fur and whiskers which in turn ignited a larger pocket of gas further up the intestine, propelling the rodent out like a cannonball.”
Tomaszewski suffered second degree burns and a broken nose from the impact of the gerbil, while Farnum suffered first and second degree burns to his anus and lower intestinal tract
What happened to rhe gerbil?
Oh, the poor gerbil!
It was for the best. Neither man nor beast should ever see the things poor Raggot saw…
Ew, animals don’t belong in rectums, neither do matches but that’s up to them
Aww you beat me to it
Pretty sure Gundham Tanaka’s Four Dark Devas of Destruction are prior art for exactly this. Also accomplices to murder, so they’re apparently pretty effective minions.
I had two hamsters. Bonnie and Clyde. Bonnie ate Clyde. Chewed through her cage, crossed a bedroom, chewed into Clyde’s cage, and ate him side first. Ate through her final cage, his ribcage.
You are not a ne’er-do-well with a hamster sidekick. You are a poor, manipulated human under the spell of an evil hamster.
Did you not feed them??
We fed em, Bonnie was just evil. Clyde showed up one day on my mom’s porch, during a period in which I had been kidnapped (familial kidnapping) and brought a lot of comfort to my brother and mom during that time. The guy at the pet store (this was 90s, pre Internet for us) told them he needed a companion, and to keep them in separate cages and only let them interact supervised, so that’s what they did. They got Bonnie and set everything up, but Bonnie despised Clyde and everything about his good, sweet, and pure little hamster soul. Shortly after I got back, Bonnie committed her ultimate crime.
Wow that pet store salesman was an asshole. I’m sorry that happened to poor Clyde :( he didn’t deserve it.
Yeah, Clyde deserved better.
I wasn’t there for the per store interaction, but I assume it was a kid working retail following directions off a tag on a cage. That’s been most of my experience with pet stores prior to decent information becoming widespread on the Internet
In that case, the pet store manager/owner was the asshole for not giving the employees better information about basic pet care.
God, the hamster subreddits are like the only thing I miss from reddit at this point
Oh, definitely. Those 90s per stores were absolutely awful, and people thought they were trustworthy, because why would they lie? :(
I haven’t been on the hamster subreddit, but I absolutely loved the guinea pig subs. Such good info. Animal care subs in general were amazing.
I like Lemmy, and I genuinely hope it succeeds at dethroning reddit, but I believe the way forward is to bring back individual forums like we had back in the day. Way more organization options with a forum. Be could if we could use a Lemmy like front end to browse many forums at a time, while maintaining the individual actual forums, where each one can many sections and threads within those sections. That, I believe, could get us to unseat reddit and let us have our amazing communities back like the animal care subs.
That was way off topic, but I’m currently swollen and on meds and my brain has never thought in straight lines anyway. Lol
Sometimes hamsters will just do that.
Keep rodents for long enough and you’ll witness cannibalism.
Finally we know what animal the villans of the world reincarnate to
I once watched a hamster die by aspiration, and another just kinda keeled over from the excitement at watching one of its housemates die. I don’t think hamsters are built for that life.
Ya, everyone knows that guinea pigs are the ones for shady shit.
REEEEEEE REEEE REEREEEEE
Next thing you know, they’ll try to make a show about hamsters trying to take over the world.
Minsc?
GO FOR THE EYES, BOO!!
After you leave Dynaheir to get killed
Yep.
Keep an eye on the hamster to see if they enjoy scheming. If they look nervous or regretful I’d say let them sit it out. However if they seem gleeful or you see them rubbing their little hands together then they’re probably good to continue scheming.
