• PhilipTheBucket@quokk.auEnglish
    155·
    19 hours ago

    There’s a friend of mine who had a roommate who was a Sword Guy. People made fun of him and his sword sometimes, and life moved on as it does.

    Then one day some kids who had had a disagreement with members of the house started hitting the front door with baseball bats, trying to break in and wreck up whoever they found inside. About the time they broke through the door Sword Guy came quick down the stairs with his sword. It happened basically exactly like in the anime. He said some weird edgelord shit, but also, he didn’t sound like he was backing down and he was holding a real fucking sword. The kids with bats did the math and decided they didn’t want to get sliced up today, and they left.

    I won’t say that Sword Guy became cool on that day but people definitely remembered it positively. Because at the end of the day, when the barbarians were at the gate, who came the fuck through? Sword Guy.

    • GraniteM@lemmy.world
      19·
      10 hours ago

      When they gave him the job, they gave him a gun. The Deliverator never deals in cash, but someone might come after him anyway—might want his car, or his cargo. The gun is tiny, aero-styled, lightweight, the kind of a gun a fashion designer would carry; it fires teensy darts that fly at five times the velocity of an SR-71 spy plane, and when you get done using it, you have to plug it into the cigarette lighter, because it runs on electricity.

      The Deliverator never pulled that gun in anger, or in fear. He pulled it once in Gila Highlands. Some punks in Gila Highlands, a fancy Burbclave, wanted themselves a delivery, and they didn’t want to pay for it. Thought they would impress the Deliverator with a baseball bat. The Deliverator took out his gun, centered its laser doohickey on that poised Louisville Slugger, fired it. The recoil was immense, as though the weapon had blown up in his hand. The middle third of the baseball bat turned into a column of burning sawdust accelerating in all directions like a bursting star. Punk ended up holding this bat handle with milky smoke pouring out the end. Stupid look on his face. Didn’t get nothing but trouble from the Deliverator.

      Since then the Deliverator has kept the gun in the glove compartment and relied, instead, on a matched set of samurai swords, which have always been his weapon of choice anyhow. The punks in Gila Highlands weren’t afraid of the gun, so the Deliverator was forced to use it. But swords need no demonstrations.

      –Snow Crash, Neal Stephenson

      • FundMECFS@anarchist.nexusEnglish
        2·
        6 hours ago

        This guy is now a certified radiologist.

        Suprised he didn’t become a surgeon.

        In any case, not sure I’d like to be in his care lol.

        • WoodScientist@lemmy.world
          1·
          6 hours ago

          My head canon is like this. Sword guy is hanging out in his room, sitting in a lotus position, sword displayed on a wooden stand in front of him, candles arranged around him, sword guy deep in meditation.

          All of a sudden, from the floor below, sword guy hears the unmistakable sound of someone breaking into his home. He does not fear. He does not panic. He stands up, grabs his katana, and calmly says, “at last, my time has come…”